eloquent and self assured
an artist's grasp of insecure
I fashion the most unlikely ideas. I sometimes scare the crap out of myself. I am nocturnal. I am conceited. I'm a mess. Writing is my escape, jotting down kept
emotions is fun (try it haha). I may elaborate way too much on a simple thought, so feel free to stop me whenever you want. My mom lets me
carry a swiss knife whenever I go out. I am a very random person, hello XD I PMS like a betch. I am in love with Katy Perry :3 And no I'm not a
lesbian.
Cheers.
Layout: vehemency
Icon: reruntherace
:(
Sunday, October 29, 2006, 10/29/2006 07:38:00 PM
I wish I could be Peter Pan and never grow up. It suddenly crossed my mind that I'm turning sixteen already, and soon enough I'll be blowing my 18 candles and I'm off to college. I can still remember when I was 9 and I would be wishing and ranting over and over again that I want to be a teenager already. And now that I'm almost sixTEEN... I just want to go back. I feel like I'm slowly being parted from what I used to hang on to. But it's really great being a teenager. You get to go to places on your own, you can buy your own things, love can come in your way, and independence is attainable.BUT WHY DO I FEEL SO USELESS?
Dad's leaving in a few days and I haven't been the right daughter lately. I don't know why, but I'm really angry at him. I really love my dad, I wish I could tell him all of these. But maybe these scars are bound to stay forever, but believe me I do want to resolve this upheaval. I want to go back to the days when everything was carefree. NO arguments, hassle, and impudence... just pure bliss and contentment. I want that feeling back when I still believed that Santa's the one putting all the gifts under the Christmas tree and we're just so excited to open all our Christmas presents. I want them back, the comfort and relief I used to feel whenever my parents would hug me everytime I'd cry.
BUT NOW IT'S JUST TOO LATE.
Dad wont be here for my birthday. I'm in pure confusion right now. My pride and guilt are fighting for their justice, and I don't know w/c one will I follow. I'm just so sorry right now. I really want to be the daughter you want me to be, but you must understand there isn't much love inside of me anymore. I know that's too harsh but that's the TRUTH. As much as I want to love you dad, I can't. I'm so sorry. I tried washing away the pain, I tried to forget. Same with mom, I love you both SO MUCH. But I just can't forget everything. God forbid this burden inside of me, but I know that You know that what I'm feeling right now can't be washed out easily. This pain will burn as long as I am living.
BUT YOU KNOW DEEP INSIDE THE LOVE IS STILL THERE.