eloquent and self assured
an artist's grasp of insecure
I fashion the most unlikely ideas. I sometimes scare the crap out of myself. I am nocturnal. I am conceited. I'm a mess. Writing is my escape, jotting down kept
emotions is fun (try it haha). I may elaborate way too much on a simple thought, so feel free to stop me whenever you want. My mom lets me
carry a swiss knife whenever I go out. I am a very random person, hello XD I PMS like a betch. I am in love with Katy Perry :3 And no I'm not a
lesbian.
Cheers.
Layout: vehemency
Icon: reruntherace
:|
Monday, May 21, 2007, 5/21/2007 02:17:00 AM
What do I want to do at this very moment? I want to turn back time, I just remembered whenever I'm asked if I want to turn back time and what would I change and stuff.. I'd always answer.. "Nothing, I'm contented." -- But I'm not perfect, and yes I have so many things to change, I have loads of regrets. I guess the reason why I answered that is because believing you can turn back time is just down-right stupid. I answered that because that's the right thing to say.Do you really want to know how I feel? I'm baffling against my own freedom. A part of me says I don't have the right to gain my freedom 'cause I'm only 16. But the other half says, "Go on! Live life to the fullest! Achieve your dreams! FOLLOW YOUR HEART!". But which is reality? I know, the 2nd one's full of crap right? Ang daling sabihin ang hirap naman gawin. I need renovations with myself, not physically nor mentally, but spiritually.
I don't know if this problem is normal. I mean break-up problems are normal for a teenager like me. Having no money for a super-wanted-640php-top-from-billabong, having no time for your friends, having low grades, having zits, having arguments with your parents, being stuck in the middle, being a loser or a loner, and these shit. THESE are normal problems for teenagers. But having doubts about your own religion and wanting to dispatch from them, is something a 16y/o shouldn't be having. I don't want to furthermore explain, hey don't think that I'm an Aetheist (spellcheck haha) or sumthing, maybe it's not about my religion, maybe it's about myself not being a worthy daughter of God for the past 16 years. This is so awkward, usually I'd talk about my hopeless romantic stories, but ugh! gaaah, rarr. There. I know you don't get me. I mean NO ONE DOES, so what's the use? :I
You know what? I feel like I'm the biggest loser in town, I feel like everything I touch turns to shit (figuratively speaking :P). Sometimes I wish I wasn't this "poetic", so that I wouldn't care anymore to describe how much depressed I'm feeling right now. And you know what scares me? It's this time of the day when all of these would haunt me. It's 3:45am, what the hell am I doing blogging at this time of the day?
Sana nga di na gumagabi, sana di nalang naimbento ang blogger, sana di ko nalang natuklasan ang All American Rejects at The Fray para di ako nagpapakasenti, sana naging lalaki nalang ako para basketball nalang ako ng basketball. Sana tumigil na ko sa kaka-rant ng bagay na alam kong di pwedeng mangyari.
Sana... ewan, wala na.