damnit

Sorry.

2009-12-06T18:06:00.002+08:00

I guess I always knew we'd make it.

And now I guess I'm wrong.

Broken Promises, The Ordinary, Limitations

2009-11-05T00:58:00.002+08:00

"Why are you taking so long to answer a simple question?"

"It's not as simple as you think..."

"Tell me how can a "state an unforgettable moment with him" be complicated to answer?"

"'Cause I can't distinguish our days-spent together from our days-spent apart anymore. And this is all I have of him."
"Is that bad?"

"No, it's not bad. It's... Sad."
"..."

"You know... These are the best things in life, quietness and just staring at things."

"Cause it's at these times when you realize, there is something that's worth so much more."

"Exactly."

Six kinds of glue

2009-08-31T04:04:00.003+08:00

Addict na ko sa Burger Shop, shit stop me. :|

I have 3 major Papers to be submitted on Wednesday, and instead of doing 'em I'm blogging while Burger Shop is paused :)) NOT FUNNY. UGH. I have sipon pa :c

Uhm..
Hey if ever you're reading this, I hope you're doing fine already. And I'm sorry, still. Advanced happy birthday :)

I wanted you to change, to be mature, to be realistic and to let loose your grip. And now that your eyes have been open to the real world where commitment isnt as easy as you think... Im scared. That you might wander off and realize you're missing out on a lot of things because of what we have. And yes, sometimes I feel that. But when I heard it from you, I felt devastated. I dont think I can even handle the thought of you wanting someone else. Now I know how you felt, 4 times in a row. Fuck. Why must my Scorpio traits reign all the time?

I'm sorry. I cant even count how many times I've hurt you. And I dont want to anymore. Breaking up isnt gonna fix us, 'cause we both know there isnt anyone else better to have. You're a part of me now, to the point that there cant even be a ME without YOU. Yeah, that's as shmaltzy as it gets. Basta, I know you're not my rockstar and you dont go with my "artist" lifestyle, I have more vices than you, I am more outgoing and rebellious, I hate your PC games, You hate my drinking habits, You're more mature in some ways, Im too selfish sometimes... We might have realized we lots of differences far too late, but I'm super duper thankful you stayed.

We're making great progress, I can tell. 2 and a half weeks of no fighting, man that's a new record! XD

Anyway, c'mon Peng... Press the exit button NOW! You can do this!

Bye.

Oh dear plates...

2009-07-15T21:45:00.002+08:00

Gimme my social life back! :((

I'm starting to hate garlic, dots, lines, construction paper, and tomorrow I will hate sea shells. One thing I love about this hectic life... The booze break. Such a stress reliever srsly! But nah, I'm no alcoholic, hell we still do our plates while drinking! That's how much we work, even at play time. D: HUHU. I love my blockmates, sana blockmates nalang kami til we graduate :(

So I'm done with Audrey Hepburn, guess what's next? SELF PORTRAIT BABY! Shit I better do good on this one or else I've nothing else to blame but my beyutipol pes. ;))

Forgive me, it's my coffee break/ Mafia Wars break/ blog break jam-packed in one (this is only for an hour -__-)

Pes awt.

24/7

2009-07-06T14:46:00.004+08:00

So college has started.

Man oh man was it brain-damaging-but-nonetheless-FUN. I have a hectic schedule, with no breaks thus hunger strike... I feel like my intestines wanna come right out and punch me and feed themselves nalang. Haha.

A LOT of things have changed:
1. My hair color. :D
2. My sleeping habits, I became more nocturnal. (forced)
3. I am now an avid coffee consumer (IT REALLY DOES HELP DURING SLEEPLESS NIGHTS)
4. I now smoke pot. JOKE LANG hahaha! Nah, that's not how I roll.
REAL #4: I found myself, at long last.

It's great, feels super great to be lost and found again. And it was in a familiar place, turns out I didn't lose myself at all. I just had to realize, it's never gonna fade away from me. And I have two people to thank for that. :)

HAY. Ang sarap mag blog ulit. I feel like my emotions were held back for weeks because of these plates (which I havent fully finished yet -__-) So forgive me if this entry's a bit long. I HAVE LOTS TO SHARE.

UP has been everything I hoped it would be. The stress, the energy-draining travel from building to building, the jeepney rides, the hilarious-mataray professors, the thick readings, your ''HELLO POH ATE" classmates =)) (yes, it's kinda nice being in a pool of stereotypes... makes you proud that you're still sane and COOL wahaha!) Grabe, I'm lovin' college. :D

But there are days that I would feel lost, like "WTH am I doing here?" I feel frustrated that everybody in class is better than me when it comes to free-hand drawing. Those guys have been drawing and sketching since birth, and I'm still catching up with what they've been doing all their lives. But just the fact that I passed the talent test gives me enough proof that I can do whatever these people are doing. I'm trying so hard not to doubt my capabilities, but it's hard... Alam mo yun, sa buong class, ako lang yung pinaulit yung work... Kasi mali daw yung pag drawing. Di ko daw magaya ng maayos, eh ilang beses ko na naulit. Masakit lang yung rejection at yung criticism. I know, I know... always take them in a constructive way. And that's what Imma do. I know it sounds cliche and cheesy, but Imma start believing in myself more.

Waha. Kudos.

I miss my HS friends :( Sorry if I havent been replying or hanging out with you guys, super parusa mga plate ko. T_T Promise, maghahang out tayo pag mejo maluwag sched ko. :D

Pachuca Sunrise

2009-06-06T20:09:00.002+08:00

I wish I could tell myself to stop. Pause, and hit fast forward, no more rewinds... 'Cause it'll end just the same. It'll end.

Pagkabuhay ni Tinkerbell.

2009-05-24T15:04:00.002+08:00

I found myself last night. Sitting under the stars amidst Anberlin's Inevitable. It's been a while friend, I missed you. You who could conquer the world. You who was happy.

But there were perks, in return I had to end things. I had to let him walk alone. I had to hurt him. I had to set him free. And it was finally my time to be happy.

Don't feel you that you failed. You tried so hard, but when things aren't meant to be... They are not meant to be. I loved you so much that it hurt me that much as well.

You're my best friend, please don't forget.

1 year, 2 days and counting :D

2009-05-09T00:17:00.002+08:00

Happy anniversuhree to us! Yay! I had the best time except for the part where our taxi driver tried to kill us :)) and well because of that I wont be able to ever forget that day. Although things didn't go the way we planned it, I couldn't care less 'cause you were so pogi that day! Seryoso! HAHA. And because, I couldn't want anything else on our anniversary but spend my time with youuu :)

Grabe, call me sentimental or shit but looking back on where we've been to where we are now... I can't help but get all "AWW :')". I can still remember the look you had when I gave up on my pride and finally said "Yes, I do want you back." You're really something, you know. And it was worth it, going through all that drama. I still can't believe we got this far, I mean I'm the girl who's always confused, the one who can't commit, the one who falls in and out of love with just a snap--Thank you. I don't know anyone else who would understand my character, who would swallow all my tantrums and rants, who abides on my time and understands my shortcomings. I have A LOT of things to thank you for, and A LOT of things to apologize for as well.

Hey. I'm gonna hang on to you as long as you want me to. I'm gonna be here, and we're gonna fix every problem. We're gonna be more than what we want us to be. We're gonna have a lot of arguments, over and over. And we're gonna have the best days of our lives.

I can't help but think... Pano kaya sa college? HAHA. If I caught you hanging out with a lot of girls I will slit your throat. WAHAHAHA. Joke lang. Sus, alam ko namang walang tatalo sakin eh. I'm the best one out there. OK?? =)) AT eto promise ko sayo, OO JUSKO MADAMING GAHH :x sa Fine Arts, pero promise talaga as in promise DI KO SILA SASAGUTIN HAHAHA AMP :/ sus, wala naman silang palag sayo eh. You're my butiki dancer forevahr :3

So.. Yay! Cheers to us! :D

I love love love you! :)

Oh.

2009-05-04T18:09:00.003+08:00

'Cause you just don't break up with someone you're madly in love with..

When you get to the point where you just can't find the words to say anymore, it isn't because you don't know what to do or what to say... It's because you just wanna conclude things. Extinguish the fire. But at the end of the day, you regret not saying a word at all.

I found myself a realization while watching One More Chance (for the 6th time) the other day. It's funny how I slave over movies that I feel I can relate to. And I feel... Ok I'm gonna go with how the movie goes, 'cause most movies end with smiles. But I always, ALWAYS seem to forget that I'm no superstar, there are no cameras, and I have no audience. So I guess things don't always end up with a smile.

A movie of 1 hour and 30 minutes... It all seem so easy. But what they don't show us is the process--the unbearable cycle that you have to go through everyday. What happens in the middle of the night when you're stuck between "should I end this or not". They don't show how heartbreaking it is just to take another step. 'Cause then people will realize how hard it is to live life thus making them pessimists of the world.

So there I was, trying to make a decision. Until I learned it is not a decision, but a feeling. So what the hell am I feeling? All I know is, we've gone through this for about a hundred times and I always find myself speechless, crying, and guilty. So I go for the easiest way out--the "let's forget this ever happened and move on/ go back with our lives" decision. But it piles up, and up and up and up until it fucking hurts already.

So what do we do. What should I do. I never felt this way about anyone before. I used to love this feeling. But I really do think we both need to grow up first.

la la land

2009-04-23T16:38:00.002+08:00

Ahhhh!! I am bursting with joy! Ok ok, so happens (I aint bragging, Im just gedamn happy) I got in the top ten qualifiers for VisComm. I don't know how the hell that happened srsly! My ate was the one who saw it and was extatic like hell and they were all teary-eyed-proud-hugging/ soffucating me XD and I was like "@_@ holy shh." I got more than what I prayed for. And since that was my case, I got accepted for a full scholarship for the rest of my college life as long as I maintain a 2.0 average or higher. But I wont be getting a styphend because of where I live in, may brackets kasi eh. Pero gahd I'm just so happy, my 'rents wouldnt be worrying about me anymore. It feels great not being a sorta burden to them. Baon na lang Ma, sana taasan! :))

Sana di ako mag petix mode. Kaya ko to AJA! :D And bebe, I love you :) Lapit na mag 1 year. Mga ilang tambling at tulog na lang kasal na tayo XD HAHA. Andito lang ako. And I miss you like crazy mehn! :(

I MISS EMERY, ANNA, AVY, GIAN, RENREN, AND EBRIWAN!!! KELAN BA TAYO LALABAS? :|

FINALLY!

2009-04-17T09:48:00.002+08:00

All my hardworks, all the stressful nights, all my tear-shed mistakes, all the papers that were wasted, the paints I poured all over my clothes, the harsh rain, the-drawing-w/o-an-eraser--- IT WAS ALL WORTH IT!

Thanks for your prayers. I passed UP Fine Arts. :)

*56 San Agustin, Rafaelle P.

Hayyy :)

Kamatayan ni Tinkerbell

2009-04-07T16:29:00.003+08:00

The heat is getting in to me. Ugh I just hate that feeling when your nape is flustered and you feel like falling--yeahp, heat stroke. Gad demmit global warming!

As of now, my April is fully booked. Naks. Haha. Debuts everywhere, party, swimming, province. Ahh yes, this is the life... Naaat. How can I have fun when I'm waiting anxiously for my TDT results? And what if I dont pass? My whole Summer will be ruined. And yes I will be all emo, trying to kill myself while asking what the fuck went wrong. Haha eww.

So yeah, my TDT (Talent Test) is already done! @.@ I really felt like God was challenging me in every way possible :))
First off: I DONT FEEL INSPIRED WHEN IT'S RAINING--It rained like hell during my exam then stopped when it was finished :| No kidd swear.
Second: Tanja specifically told me to bring lots and lots of erasers--guess what? I FORGOT TO BRING ONE. :|
Third: Tanja also said that I shouldn't peek on other people's works 'cause I will get pressured--and yes, I did look. I can't resist it! Sarreh.
And lastly: I PRACTICED SO HARD ON DRAWING HARD ELEMENTS SUCH AS THE HANDS, FEET, AND FACE STRUCTURE--the statue that we were supposed to draw had no arms, feet were covered by its dress, and had no head. BRAVO.

It was a 4-hr cemetery drive. But it was super fun. I didnt know I had it in myself!--drawing famous statues and the like. I'm so proud haha! And the thought of not having an eraser makes me more proud! =)) So if I dont pass, I'll still be glad I got that far :)

But amidst this bliss, I am down. I cant give anymore, there's nothing left. But I can't let go.

.

2009-03-25T21:07:00.001+08:00

putangina hindi na ko masaya.

Selfish.

2009-03-24T01:01:00.003+08:00

It's like an endless dream--walking in Salvador Dali's surrealism. I felt nostalgic, longing. I started to fashion a thought from a memory where all I would see were our shadows becoming one. Reducing the gap between us, getting closer and closer until a sort of black hole formed. And I was happy.

Today, 11 months have passed. I found myself in the "same" scenario, watching our shadows bumping in to each other, split seconds becoming one. Farther and farther until emptiness formed. I looked at my right hand's shadow--it never felt so lonely.

So what do we do now?--I can't. You can't. But we must.

I'm tired.

Gusto ko lamang sa buhay...

2009-03-15T00:55:00.002+08:00

Alam mo yung bagong video ng Itchy Worms? Oo, yung may lalaking nagpapaskil ng "Free Hugs" sa Manila Bay. Naiinggit ako sa kanya. Kasi kaya nyang sabihin sa buong mundo na ang kailangan nya lang ay comfort.

Sa mundong kinatatayuan mo... Sa mundong puno ng pasakit at ka-lechehan... Sa mundong minsan ay gusto mo na lang iwan... Makakahanap ka pa ba ng tinatawag na peace of mind?

Wala naman talagang taong magsasabi ng gusto mong marinig. Eto lang yun: Plastik sila, masyadong straight-forward, o wala silang pake. Mapapaisip ka talaga, sa huli ang 'yong sarili mo lang ang maasahan mo. Sa mundong, punong puno ng tao... Akalain mong matatagpuan mo pa ang sarili mong nag-iisa.

Yung mga batang may kapansanan na tinatawag na autism, maswerte pa nga sila eh. Meron silang sariling mundo. Dun maayos ang lahat. Walang pake sa mga bahid ng imperpeksyon. Malaya. Masaya.

Matagal na akong sinasabihan na magpakatatag, huwag magpapatalo sa mga pagsubok sa buhay. Pero pwede bang magbreak down ako sandali? Umiyak sa gilid ng kwarto at makatulog sa pagod?

Oo, kailangan ko ng hug. Gusto ko ng hug.

Mensahe para kay Sexy.

2009-03-06T03:01:00.004+08:00

"Pahiram naman ng stapler :D"

Dyan tayo nagsimula--sa isang stapler. Biruin mo lahat kami inatasang magdala ng stapler para sa susunod na araw, pero sya lang yung nagdala (maliban sa teacher)... Buti nalang ikaw lang nagdala :) PAMBIHIRANG STAPLER! Nagpacute, lumandi, ilang beses nagpanggap na kailangan ko ng stapler pero ang totoo gusto ko lang mapansin mo ang bago kong gupit.

Naalala ko... Inabangan na kita noon kahit di pa kita nakikilala. Dumayo narin ako sa iyong panagipin kahit di mo pa ako nakikita. Pinagdasal na natin ang isa't isa. Ikaw pala yun. Haha. Ang ganda.

Binagsakan muna tayo ng daan-daang granada. Tila naging evacuation center ang pagkatao natin sa sobrang gulo, sa sobrang labo.

Natigil ang gera. Nangibabaw ang dapat mangyari--kapayapaan, pagka-tugma, pagbibigayan, at pagkatanto ng puso't isipan kung ano ba talaga ang kanilang gusto: Ikaw. Tayo.

Masaya. Sobrang saya! Kahit ang buong mundo'y pinasan na ng mga tao ng kanilang kawalanghiyaan, buo parin ang mundo ko--umiikot parin sa mundo mo. At ngayon may sarili na tayong planeta kung saan pwede kang magfeeling na drummer/jabbawokeez (spellcheck XD) dancer sa bawat araw na ginawa ng Diyos at sa mga araw na yan kita titingnan na parang mamatay sa kahihiyan at aasarin na mukha kang tanga! Ang mga araw na iyan ang ipagdadasal ko na di sana magbago, maglaho.

Hayayay :D

Happy 10th monthsary my hunnybunny mooncake XD Yeah yeah dapat nga almost 2 years na eh. Grabe achievement talaga! HAHA. Napag-usapan na ang mga dapat pag-usapan, ang natatanging task nalang eh yung tuparin natin lahat yun. OK? AJA!

WAG MASYADONG PARANOID. Masama yun seryoso! Easy ka lang. Mag Psych ka na haaa, maganda yun. Wag masyado makipag away. AT! IINSTALL MO NA YUNG LEFT FOR DEAD SIGE NAAAA!! Sobrang game na game na ko!!! Imma kick yer ass na :p

Ayun berday mo kasi tas monthsary pa, kaya ako nagsulat. Yeah B-D
I love you beybeh! :3

SANA LORD PLEASE. Don't put all my hardwork down the drain @_@

a mother effing heart's day to you, too.

2009-02-13T14:53:00.002+08:00

April 27- Talent Test for UP Fine Arts
Omg. I need all the prayers I can get. Pls pls pls! I want this course so badly, I'd kill for it. HAHA. Yeah. Seriously.

I need to draw 4 famous statues/ sculptures for my portfolio. WTF. Pakamatay na ko. But at the same time I'm definitely excited. I'm not 100% confident that I'll pass FA, I know.. coming from me that would've sounded hypocritically. Idk, college is a serious matter here so I'm really really really doing this as cautious as possible. If all else fails... There's Theatre and Malikhaing Pagsusulat. Not to be boastful or anything, but I'm more confident to pass those two than FA. The only thing that would be a hell of a bummer is... If I pass Theatre, I will be (once again) the shadow of my sister. I don't hate her okay? I LOVE HER TO DEATH, but I just want to shine in something I want to do.

Yes, I really do WANT this. And I don't care if this may not be the right one for me, I WANT it. I am selfish about it. I am obsessed about it. But I am not confident about it. :/

Shit? Hell yeah.

suicidal note

2009-01-30T22:36:00.003+08:00

Dear Clarity,

I still have not found your presence.
I've been writing to you for so long now.
So when does the waiting end?
I'm starting to feel that you don't exist anymore.
Questions are being piled up,
but you know what?
I feel like I'm not aiming for some answers.
I aim for you.
So when does the hurting stop?
I'm becoming a murderer.
Killing. Pounding. Sobbing.

You know I'll always be waiting.

Love,
Conflicted.

Breaking up with friends is harder to accept than breaking up with your boyfriend/ girlfriend. I was going through our pictures, "ORIGINAL"... I swear, a tear formed in the corner of my eye. It was so damn right heart breaking. I mean, c'mon! We went through everything, from beings outcasts to achievers. Hindi niyo ba namimiss ang Zaido, Voltes 5, Lutenant Kutintin, Squidbird, at madami pang ibang kagaguhan?! KASI AKO TANGENA MISS NA MISS KO NA. Anong nangyari? Nagpakalunod kayo sa ka-cheapan ng Twilight fans. Nagpaka bitter sa break up, nagselos, nangbackstab, at ngayon wala na kayong pake sa isa't isa.

Nakakalungkot. Kayo lang naman binabalikan ko for comfort. Sa inyo kasi walang pressure, walang image na kailangan panindigan, kahit magpakapanget ka good lang. Nakakamiss maglaro, magtusukan ng ... =)) SINCE WHEN DID WE CARE ABOUT ANYTHING? We were supposed to be kids who fail yet rises. We were supposed to have heartbreaks and then cure 'em with a slumber party. We were supposed to be carefree. But now everything is just a big pile of dog shit on an old man's front porch.

Di niyo ba narerealize na wala na tayong oras? Mahigit 3 buwan nalang, tapos na tayo.

All wrapped in one with a ribbon on it.

2009-01-28T14:17:00.002+08:00

Ugh tangenaaa. Pressure pressure pressure. Pano ka ba gagawa ng matinong art piece kung di ka inspired?! Sawa na ako sa dark perspectives. And to top it all off, kulang ako ng materials AT! na-delete pa ang portfolio ko. Hay anak ng kabayo pag minamalas ka nga naman o. Tulong naman o please Lord T_T Gusto ko lang talaga ng maganda at keri nang portfolio. Yung tipong sasabihin ng mga prof na "You still need improvement but we think you'll survive in Fine Arts."
Hindi ako humingi ng magagarang gamit. Di naman po ako nagreklamo nung bumagsak kami from being a super wealthy family to a middle class family. Alam ko pong di na ako nagsisimba, para po kasi sakin ang paplastik ng mga tao sa Simbahan. Lalo na dito sa village. Mas gusto ko po Kayong makasama in an intimate way, and that's through praying. And I know I only pray hard when I need something really bad, pero please future ko po nakasalalay dito. Wala na kasi akong maisip na babagsakan kung di Advertising (at wala na rin po akong gustong bagsakan kung di yun). My hopes of being a Pediatrician went down the drain the second I realized--I'm a very "maarte" person.

Hay ano ba to. Wag niyong isipin na inaaway ko si God ah :)) nagmamakaawa lang ang desperadong buhay ko.

Ay nga pala. Natupad narin ang isa sa mga panagarap ko:
Nakilala ko na ang totoong Bob Ong. Mali ako. Isang tao lang pala talaga siya, cheverly lang daw niya yung group of people na sumusulat thus forming Bob Ong para daw mag remain syang mystery. BUT I'M SORRY NABULGAR KO NA =))
Alam mo yun, sobrang pinakasalan ko na siya sa isip ko nung una kong nabasa ang Stainless Longganisa. Napicture ko na kung anong mukha niya, height niya, yung boses niya, lahat! Pinagpantasyahan ko talaga sya noon, saktong gago lang kasi eh HAHA. Pero cheesy din, pasimple nga lang. Perfect guy. Hay! x)

Pero eto na.. Lahat ng iniisip ko tungkol sa kanya noon naglaho nung nakilala ko siya. Di ganun yung mukha niya pero may pagka similar yung boses. KALBO SYA :)) Epal. (Nothing against bald people ok? XD) Matanda narin sya, 40+ na. Napaisip tuloy ako... Sana nag remain nalang sya as a figment of my imagination. Nangarap nalang sana ako. Sinabi ko yun sa kanya na di siya yung ineexpect kong Bob Ong.
Sabi niya, "Ganun talaga. May mga bagay na kala mo sobrang eto naaaa, pero hindi pa pala."
Sabi ko, "Pero idol ko parin kayo sa pagsusulat, at pag nakapasa na akong UP kukuha ako ng Malikhaing Pagsusulat para maging prof kita. Kaso parang malabo dahil FA pinasukan ko. Bahala na si Batman."
Sabi niya.. "Lelong pala to eh. Basta advice ko lang, sundin mo ang gusto mo. Yun lang ang importante. At ang pinaka great na advice, don't beat up the red light."
Parang ako.. "Haaaa? =))"

Jusko, sumakit talaga tiyan ko. May bago nga pala syang libro, pero di as Bob Ong. Title na lang sasabihin ko kasi masyado na pag pangalan (although na bulgar ko na kung anong itsura niya, at nagtuturo sya sa UP hahaha). Eto: Isang Napakalaking KaASTIGan.

kbye :D

ashes and rain.

2009-01-10T03:57:00.003+08:00

It was a summer love on a holiday. The heat turned in to a breeze and I was swept off easily. Yes, I wanted to be stupid. I never wanted freedom so much. And yes, I have been bruised. Devastating yet poignant. How unruly and bitter, but I remained smiling.

Get up from that corner. Don't let your feelings swallow you. We are all sinners and we were all forgiven. And while you let the whole world crash down on you, don't hesitate to think that in the midst of your self-inflicted pain someone will understand you.

Change. What's stopping you?

I finally knew what I wanted! And I was extremely happy. Everything was back to the way it was before.

I crashed.

Before killed me, killed us. So where does this lead us? I hope somewhere we can both agree on.

What the hell do I want from this? It's just fucking hard to follow your heart when it's broken.

stains.

2008-12-25T23:13:00.002+08:00

*Happy birthday Jesus :)
*Happy Christmas 'vryone

This is the weirdest Christmas evarr. First of all, it's raining. Ugh. Dalawa lang nakuha kong gifts na as in "bagay" (thing). A super wanted flipflops from Chic and a Chanel bag from ninong na binigay ko nalang kay mameh kasi di ako nag gaganun na bagay =)). And the rest is maaaaneh bebeh! I LOVE IT! Hay nako. When you turn 18, expect lesser gifts haha.

We baked some cookies for the less fortunate. Haha, we gave 'em to random street children. It was so fulfilling. Grabe. Mauubos na pera ko kakabili ng mga bagay amp stop me.

I'm irritated at you. I really don't want to talk right now. Bye.

Escape.

2008-12-18T15:06:00.009+08:00

Everyday seven takes
of the same old scene
Seems we're bound by the laws
of the same routine
Gotta talk to you now
before we go to sleep
But will we sleep once I tell
you what's hurting me?

Thought that we were stronger. All we do is linger. Slipping through our fingers.
I just can't take your tears. I hate this part right here.

LANTERN PARADE:
Supah fun! Ang sarap maging taga UP. Nakimartsa kami sa FA (hahaha, nagfefeeling at naghahanda lang XD) Ang sarap talaga ng feeling. Iba't ibang klaseng tao ang makakasalubong mo. Natuwa ako sa CSSP kahit sa parada nagrarally "Iksolar ng Bayan ngayon ay lumalaban!" Waaaa! Ibang klaseng HIGH. I can't wait to be a part of this. Wish me luck ;))

goodnight.

2008-12-15T22:55:00.005+08:00

Tara na...

Saan?

Sa kalawakan ng gabi,
Sa pagitan ng mga bulalakaw.
Sa kalangitan ng buwan.
Tara na..

Hindi ako handa.

Ano bang kinakatakot mo?
Ako din nama'y di handa.
Sino bang manlalakbay ang may alam
Sa kung ano ang kanyang hahantungin
Sa bawat pagyapak ng kanyang mga pagod na paa?
Tara na.

At managinip?

Oo, tumungo tayo sa ating panaginip.
Kalimutan muna natin ang pag galaw ng oras.
Manatili muna tayong bihag ng mga bituin.
Tara...

Hindi mo naisip, mahirap managinip
Kung alam mong gigising ka rin naman.
Unti-unti mong kailangan bitawan ang mga pangarap
Na dala ng mga bituin sa pagsikat ng araw.
Kung may katwiran lang ang "sana",
Hinawakan ko na ang 'yong mga kamay,
Ipinikit ang aking mga mata
At mananaginip.

Ano bang mawawala sa'yo?

Ikaw.
Alam kong pag mulat ng aking mga mata...
Wala ka na.

Magkikita pa tayo sa mga susunod na gabi.
Laging andyan ang mga bituin
At laging magpapakita ang buwan.
Ipikit mo lang ang 'yong mga mata
At ihulog ang sarili sa mga ulap.

Tara na.

Sino ka sa kanila? Sa totoo lang kung ako ang tatanungin, hindi ko din alam. Pagbigyan mo lang ako ngayon. Pakasaya ka :)
Yeah. It's gonna be really hard. And it's gonna take time. I can't really say all the things I want to say here. I want this to be said in person but right now, just the thought of it breaks my heart knowing that it would break yours. Hayley's been bugging my head and she is so right...

"How did we get here? I used to know you so well."

So hmm.. What is this exaclty? You don't know how long I waited for this. And now that it's finally here, what should I do with it?

clever trick.

2008-11-25T20:22:00.000+08:00

Oktubre 26, 2008

Pinagmamasdan kita habang natutulog,
Ang dami kong gustong sabihin.
Ang daming pumapasok sa isip ko.
Kung alam mo lang sana ang hinagpis
na kapalit ng 'yong pag buntong hininga.

Hawak-hawak ko ang 'yong mga kamay,
Tila ang layo mo na...
San nga ba hahantong ang ganitong kalagayan?
Iba na tayo sa mga pangarap natin noon.

Kung pwede lamang sisihin ang pag-ikot ng mundo,
Ang pagbaba at pagpanhik ng araw
--Ebidensya sila ng pagpaslang.
Tila wala nang magawa.
Wala na.

You know the romantic notion of how we feel all melancholic (garbage and pain) about someone, and how we proclaim to the world that HELLO I AM DAMN RIGHT HURTIN' AND YET HE DOESN'T SEEM TO CARE--oh the irony that he doesn't love me back and I'm still here, waiting for just one look from him so that I can finally let go--that makes people go "aww". But let's get things straight... In the end it's still garbage and pain. Nothing to be proud of. And the only thing wrong about love and faith... is not having them.

Edward I miss you :( Thank you for the very overwhelming conversation :)) mwah! mwah!

oyea

2008-11-11T18:26:00.004+08:00

First off: BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEE! :))

Geez I have a lot to thank! Grabe super overwhelming greetings are the best! haha. Thank you Dowell first to greet haha, PAO PAO MY LOVE (thank you for the dinner ♥), Emory ah! I LAB YOU, EDWARD!, Gilly, Tin, Rocky, Tubs, Joice, Mariel, Valerie, Geliza, Betang, Kurt, Tina, Hani Ipis, Aaang, Nicki, Janmar, Paola, Sweethart!, Bebe Nicki, Bebe Max, Husband Nubla, Chris, Joy, Pam, Patrick, ALEX ZULUAGA I MISS YOU TOO! :), Migs, Pichay!, Rae, Rachelle, Aly, Lyca, MATI :)) at alam kong madami pa! Sorry kung may nakalimutan ako sobrang wihew! :))

Anyway...

Here ya go :)) On November 29'08 don't forget! Party is strictly invitational, I'm sorry :(

*ONE TREE HILL SEASON 6: Brooke and Lucas' WEDDING (WTH)

obama ramaaa

2008-11-05T15:49:00.004+08:00

Well he won. First American Black president. Not really a Mccain fan, but I felt sad during his speech. Idk... I'm kinda worried for Obama, ya think he's really ready? Geez. America has A LOT of problems and issues right now, and what sucks is that either way the Philippines is affected. I hate being such an underdog for them.

Anyway,
Dea and Tin's debut--GAWD HELLA FUN. Soberclub agaiiin @_@
Holloween? Hmm, not so creepy tsk. Sleepover kila Eme, shack! Dun merong paranormal shiz :)) hay grabe gusto ko na magsummerrrr.

GUYS MARK YER CALENDARS: November 29 :) RSVP!

Gawd, I can't believe I'm turning 18. Five days and counting.. Btw, belated happy birthday Janmar! Advanced happy birthday Geeno! :D Ayun, call me emotional or whatev... Nung Monday, when I got home from school... My mom hugged me, idk it felt surreal and it was a long hug then she said "grabe 18 ka na..." and then it hit me, "shit 18 na koo! :s". Wala, I remember being 16 and everything was just so easy. I remember being 10 and was such in a hurry to turn 18, well.... here I am days away from being the person I wanted to be.. But now all I keep asking myself is... Am I ready?

To be honest I'm not. I don't fear aging, maybe I'm more afraid of what lies ahead of me. I'm one step closer to college, and maybe just a few more--to working. No more water guns and agawan base. I'm afraid of letting these go, but I am excited about "growing up"-- driving, earning yer own moolah XD sarap nun haha, and of course a little more freedom.

Grabe mom ko, pinayagan na kong magboyfriend at lahat pero di parin ako pinapayagan magpagupit or magpacolor ng hair w/o her consent amp! At kahit may consent na ang pwede ko lang daw na color is BLACK AT BROWN (pucha naman oh gusto ko purple eh or green seryoso yung darkest shade haha). ANO BA. Alam niyang umiinom ako at not to mention nalalasing and stuff, alam niyang may first kiss na ko =)) at kung smack ba yun or @_@ hahaha! joke joke nuff said. Bastaaaa, mommy naman BUHOK KO TO pabayaan mo na ko shet!

Hay hay. Ganito lang tayo MUNA. Chill lang. I do parin naman eh, mwah :)

I'll always keep sixteen. I'll always be sixteen :)

SINAG.

2008-10-23T23:41:00.004+08:00

Binukas ko ang aking mga mata kasabay ng pag daloy ng kurtina sa aking mukha.
Sa mahigit sampung taon na paulit-ulit na prosesong gumigising ako sa kumakatok na sinag ng araw--na alam kong may dalang bagong simula...

Ngayon lang ako nagising ng ganito.

Tatlong taon na pala.

Naalala ko pang ang lahat. Ang ihip ng hangin, ang dilaw mong polo, at ang nangingibabaw mong "ingat" sa kabila ng ingay ng mga jip at taxing nagdaraan.

Sabi nila kapag tapos na ang isang relasyon di mo na daw dapat binabalikan ang tinibag na daan. Sabi sa akin ng isang mas mataas na tao...
"Kapag gusto mong lumingon, lilingon tayo at pag katapos... Kukunin ko ang 'yong mga kamay at sasabihing... 'Tara na.' "

Ang dami ko nang napagdaanan, kita mong sinalok ko pa ang lahat ng luha... Hindi dahil gusto kong makita mo ang mga hirap na dinanas ko, kung di upang dumungaw, silipin ang sarili.

Nakita ko ang sarili ko, nakadungaw. Iba na ang istilo ng buhok ko, maayos na ang mga kilay ko, nakangiti na ako.

Tatlong taon na pala.

Well, first off... HINDI TO ANG CURRENT LIFE KO. Wala tong konek sakin, well siguro at some point before meron. Naisip ko lang magsulat ulit, maging makata ulit. BEB WALANG MEANING TO AH. Mahal kita :)
This is just my escape... Writing.

I'm doing a play for Dulaang UP for the past few weeks, that inspired me to write this random thought. And I was thinking of a dear friend while I was doing this... And hey, YOU'LL GET BY :)
I don't know how or when, but I know you will. You're one of the best person I know, and dahil NAGMANA KA SAKIN :p kaya mo din yan.
Makukuha mo din yung closure na hinihintay mo, pero I swear nung nakuha ko yung akin... Masaya nga pero hindi yun yung main reason ng pagmove on ko. Ang puso tumitibok lang yan, pero ang isip ang siyang gumagawa ng paraan. Matalino ka, at dahil NAGMANA KA ULIT SAKIN :p MAGANDA KA RIN :))

Gigising ka nalang isang araw, titingala sa sinag ng araw at matatantong tapos na. :)

200th Blog Entry: Cool Off

2008-10-08T15:56:00.002+08:00

Guh -_-
Life's too ironic.

Pondered your every emotion,
Though as if I knew everything.
Well, I don't.
And you don't.
And now we're just far off to be fixed.

there's always something more you wish he'd say...

2008-10-07T17:06:00.004+08:00

Happy 5th month beb! :)

...

Idk, there's something wrong. I can't seem to understand the other side.

Maybe I don't want to understand it.

I...

I don't know anymore.

Spiral staircase, leading us where?

I wish I knew.

psst huy!

2008-10-03T15:03:00.003+08:00

Happy birthday Manong! Happy birthday Manong! Happy birthday, happy birthdaaaay!! HAAAAPPY BIIIRTHDAAAAY TOOOO YEW Manowng :)

Patanda ng patanda ah, sana pati yung isip =)) JOKE LANG! Yehey!! It's Water's sweet 16 on Sundaaaay wooh! I will meets PX nuh oyea :)) And then Kuya Alex time again >:) Hey I'm nat hab gifts hows that? I said kiss na lang, but you know it's bawal cos I'm have bf na :)) Hey hani lamok I wanna see Ice cream ok? :9

Tae, tama na nga. Ayun I'm dead tired, so I started my computer arts workshop in ABS CBN already. I saw Deither Ocampo (tama ba spelling? XD) @_@ ang puti puti niya @_@ :)) Man! The place is wicked awesome, feel mo na sa Beverly Hills ka XD but I have some classmates that are uh :| bullcrap. Emos, Nerds, Down right unsociable. KAMON how's a girl supposed to have fun here?? Regardless of her zany impulsive attitude? -__- gimme a break. Hey well atleast I get to see celebs everyday from Mondays thru Fridays :)) ILAVEET. And who knows, you might be seeing me in television na rin-- endorser ng toyo =)) Pero seryoso yung guard dun! =)) Ewan ko kung bolero lang siya oh ulul lang talaga :))

Mami: Ah san po yung..
Guard: Sa VTR po? Dun po yun sa gate 2, 5th floor :D
Mami: Hinde, hinde.. yung Shop & Play center, yung eto po (shows the Ad)..
Guard: Ah dito po yun!
(we enter)
Guard: Mam! Ipa VTR niyo na lang po yang anak niyo baka mas pumasa pa.
(sa loob loob ko lang gusto kong upakan yung guard, aba excuse you! tingin mo wala akong brains? pero sa bagay compliment na rin siguro yun XD)
Mami: Nako hindi na, baka kung ano pang mapasukan niyan!
Peng: =))
Guard: Hindi naman mam!

(pumasok na kami sa building, kung saan masasalubong namin yung receptionist..)

Receptionist: ID lang po.
(sabay abot ng ID)
Receptionist: (tumingin sakin) Iha, pag tapos nito or if ever di ka pumasa magtry ka sa VTR ah.
Peng: (ang haba ng hair ko =)) ) Ah ok po ;))

And the rest is history. Gahd ang yabang ko talaga nung araw na yun feel ko kahit si Deither Ocampo maiinlab sakin eh =)) ULUL. Hay. Pero matry nga, sa susunod na PBB teen edition makasali nga =))

Shut up na.

AWW :)

2008-09-26T23:39:00.002+08:00

ANO BA =)) ANO BAAAAAAAAAAA. ALAM MO PERVERT KA ANG PANGET NG BUTT MO PUTA =)) =)) =)) =)) =))

Hay sorry kadiri. Open talk XD You know what? No matter how hard we fight or how many world war 3s we have, I'm sorry pero pag nagkikita na tayo sa sobrang miss ko sayo nakakalimutan kong nag away tayo ever :)) Ang cute cute mo today seryoso :} hahaha! Magshave ka na goat-boy na you :)) Hay :}

Aww :) Fall for You, Hanging By A Moment, and You & Me will be so much more than lovesongs to me now. "I'm falling even more in love with you" tche :))

We'll get through this ok? We'll get through everything. I love you :)

Now I'm in 2nd place to get a second chance

2008-09-25T16:17:00.004+08:00

PAO :(

SORRY NA.

JERK

2008-09-23T22:03:00.005+08:00

Month ba to ng arguments? Are you fucking trippin me?! You're becoming the worst person I want to be with and hell I know you're feeling the same way towards me. So why don't you just spell out the words for me..

I guess every guy's just the same. Jerks.

Yeah go ahead call me a good for nothing bitch who "apparently flirts" with every guy she meets. Idfc right now.

This version of us doesn't make me happy anymore.

Here's how we do :)

2008-09-22T15:58:00.000+08:00

Paooo: Hello :)
Peng: Hi :)
Paooo: MuZtah yOu? XD :))
Peng: K langz me. yOu po? :))
Paooo: Alayb and kiking :)
Peng: Beri goods :)

That's just how we do. It is what it is XD

Sept. 20'08

Maybe I'm a little bit harsh. Maybe I'm asking for too much. Or maybe I just miss you big time and I can't handle this distance shared. I know you have problems of your on and I'm here to make things better for you, but sometimes it doesn't work the same way for me. I know, here I go again and I know you're fed up with this. I just can't seem to put the right pieces of this puzzle in place. I know you love me so much, but I'm wondering if love is enough I'm not asking for you to jump off a building or climb the highest mountain for me. I'm definitely not putting you down, in fact I'm the one who's down. Maybe I just need to feel that you're gonna be there. I don't want to read 'em over and over again and still feel down. Gahd I don't even know if you still read my blog, you're probably playing dota or RO right now :|
Tsk. Maybe, this is just the effect of not being able to see each other as often as we want to unlike nung summer na halos magsawa na ko sa mukha mo XD Hey, I'm not falling out of love from you, I was mad and stupid and I just wanted to break you down when I said I don't know if I'm still in love with you. You know me, ma-pirde :| Idk if this is karma 'cos I've done a lot of bitchy things to you before and you still stood there nonetheless. Ok if it's karma I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON for crying out loud. I don't wanna feel this way towards you anymore, cos I haven't talked to you (seriously) for days and it's killing me.

I miss you and Eme and Anna and Avy and Gian and everybodyyy :(( haha shut up fag.

wasn't really gonna post that but I figured I shouldn't keep anything from you so for the record since we're being all honest here and stuff...
The reason why I'm not in school is: I'm pregnant. NOT. Sira ulong kung sino man nagimbento nun =)) Tara suntukan na lang tayo. Tangna that's the lamest rumor I've had =)) Wala lang naalala ko tuloy yung PENGHATERS days ko hahahaha! Grabe ganun ba ko ka-bitch? Sorry na. :))

so

2008-09-19T17:42:00.003+08:00

Wait, parang ayoko ng pink :| at parang ayoko din ng semi-formal.
UGH basta come in a pleasant outfit :)) baka there will be a night swimming after the party so it's optional if wanna bring yer swim suits.

kbye

House of composure (not)

2008-09-18T21:58:00.003+08:00

I've been such a klutz and super absent minded lately @_@ I got up at 10 something AM and ate breakfast. I used some butter for my bread then ate then returned the butter inside the refrigerator... Well that's what I thought I did... I went upstairs and guess what? I still had it in my hands :| Gahd sabaw. Then ate Chic told me to turn on the t.v. but I can't turn it on with the remote cos the main switch on the t.v. was turned off so I got up (umeffort pa :|) and switched it on, so yun na ok na biglang pag balik ko sa bed kinuha ko yug remote at tinurn off ko yung t.v. AMP napastop talaga ako nun at gusto kong batukan sarili ko :))

Ano ba Pao ang daldal mo :| :)) ang kulit seryoso skwater pa, tas di naliligo =)) Oo magkakabahay din tayo haha! Grabe sana ako rin vinivisit mo pag may sakit :| Ang layo layo ng nilakad ko para sayo tapos di mo man lang ako inoffer ng water -__-

Ayun, I want to get the hell out of here. Sorry God, I'm not cursing or blaspheming You in any way but as religious as my family is, especially my grand'rents, this is not where I want to be. This is really hell. I don't want to say that they're making my life miserable, I just don't want anybody interfering with my decisions (well except for my mom I guess). And I just hate their f-ing rules my gawd! I can't live like this and I know my siblings can't either. I miss my rebellious room that I get to spray paint any time I want. And that's what I hate my dad for, 'cause he forced us to move in our grandrents' house 'cause it'll be more easier for us daw. EASIER FOR YOU. Shit you can't imagine how pissed I am since we moved back here. I know, I know... I should be thankful 'cause atleast we're one big happy? family here--but that's what I was afraid of before, he knew clearly that we wont be able to handle all the pressure and adjustment-shit here. CLASHING TWO FAMILIES IS A BIG MISTAKE. I don't really hate them, hell I still got respect, I'M JUST PISSSSSSED OFF.

I am seriously moving out when I turn 18, and Im taking Ate Chic with me :|

Which reminds me..

It's nearly my debut!!! My theme's gonna be pink :| YEAH I KNOW SHUT UP. Pero guests ko lang yung mag pipink or any color close to pink WAHAHA :p so wait eto nalang..

THEME: Pink for a change. Candy for glory :9

ATTIRE: Semi-formal

WHEN: November 8 or November 15 (both on a Saturday para di alanganin)

VENUE: (still aint sure @_@ pero gusto ko may pool, any suggestions?)

STRICTLY NO GIFT NO ENTRY :D (hahaha joke lang)

I'll be sending invites through e-mail and text msging. Sorry kung if ever di ko kayo ma-invite kasi piling tao lang eh. Sobrang nahirapan nga ako eh, pero sabihin niyo narin sakin kung gusto niyo pumunta SUPER OK LANG.

BLG!! @_@

2008-09-05T01:22:00.002+08:00

Ahhhh! It's today, that's today! BLG todaaaay! 7pm Trinoma. Ready yer cameras 'cause I bet it's gonna be awesome (eeeeep! excited level heightening @_@) I hope when Paramore comes to visit our humble abode it'll be just like this Boys Like Girls-Click 5 mall tour where first and foremost it's FREE, and we're allowed to take photos with our cameras ('cause usually if the concert's gonna be held in the Araneta, camera phones are the only ones allowed. Gawd if that happens I'm gonna be so pissed).

This is just terrible, I can't find my cam's charger fu)!^@^!%** :|

Err, so yeah... You guys might be wondering why I'm not in school. Tanja, Nikki, Max and Kit have been like asking me forever XD Well right now I just don't want to anymore. Tinamad na ko mehn. WAIT DON'T GET ME WRONG--I ain't rebelling or something. I had a problem with my transcripts and all the other bullshit. I was really planning to enter this 2nd trimester, pero tinamad na nga lang talaga ako. I think I'm also afraid that I wont be able to pull my grades up anymore kasi late na, I dont want to ruin my straight A grades since 1st year. I want my transcript to be as clean as possible haha.

I know, initial reaction of people: Shit seryoso ka ba?

Yes, I am serious people. In fact, I'm kinda liking this XD Don't worry I'm not putting my life to waste. I'm doing my portfolio for college, I'm gonna take up FA lessons (workshop) in UP and I'm starting my own business now--all in the field of advertising (t-shirt designs, company logos, java, web design and blah blah blahs :D) Well that's not really a business, it's more of a hobby :p
Well, I guess the only down side of this is I wont be able to join you guys for the batch outing :( SIGH. But hell, I know we'll have our own celebration. Prom? Hmm.. dapat lang no HA PAO HA :)) Well kung tayo pa nun HAHAHA, joke. Tayo pa nun for SURE, tayo pa forever :} hahahaha
&And I have to take up my senior year during the summer and the following months, tsk. It's k.

In 3 months I may drive. In 3 months I can vote. In 3 months I can, but may not get married. In 3 months I can but hopes not to be pregnant XD. Uhm, wish me luck? :))

HAPPY 4th month and forever on the 7th Pao :) I like super love you! :)) Supah dupah XD
Hay, sorry talaga. It wont happen again, I just hope you got to see my point din. But for the record, that was by far the most heartbreaking situation I've been. Let's not have this shiz ever again. Ang sakit talaga brad grabe ka. I'm deeply sorry ok? Toenail mo lang siya I swear. But from now on PLEASE, I'm your freakin' wife and the best friend you'll ever have... I hope you'll take me beyond 'I love you'--things that we already know.

do you?

2008-08-17T16:21:00.002+08:00

When I said I wanted sparks, I got burned XD
You are clueless mehn! You're not sweet and you always pull away your hands when I hold them. You shrug me off. And you really piss me off sometimes like last friday? DIBA :/
But you know what?

Those just make me want you more :} hahaha. I aint going anywhere you mokong :D

closer

2008-07-25T17:37:00.004+08:00

I want this hoodie so bad!! Ugh I can't and don't know how to get it. How do you buy online exactly? Haha call me stupid but I really don't know how and I'm kinda scared by the fact that it's ON line so it can be a scam or baka di madeliver sakin or biglang super mahal pala nung bayad basta ganun! Pero I'm 80% sure that my fears aint gonna happen. Sobrang I NEED TO HAVE THAT HOODIE :(( Hay. Tsk.

Anyway, don't take nursing love pls? : /
PLEASE? : /

I might be a little too confident about college. I learned a week ago that some of my friends from CFAD in UST were asked to draw Jesus Christ. They were given this picture of JC and they have to copy the exact thing. Shit? I know. What more sa FA ng UP? Hay kaya ko to @_@

kbye.

hay naker

2008-06-25T02:34:00.002+08:00

So I guess I'm blogging again. Well not really, right now I'm just wide awake @_@ The sun's about to rise and well apparently it's time for me to be a vamp once again. Shit I have to wake up by 8am nice one XD

Hay so whats aaaap? I have a band again (SHUT UP PAO) THEY call ourselves "My Sweet Audrina" ok ok that doesn't really suit me but wth I kinda like it (oh shit haha). So we're like doing covers on New Years Day and The Forecast (w/c btw are very good bands) tas may mga orig din. I'm gonna be posting my compo soon (so Dodge dito mo nalang kunin hehe :D).

Ayun. Rocky's okay naaaa! Woo thank God, nako Sher di ko na navisit eh XD Rocks hinay na kasi sa yosi may sinabi sakin si Corta, susumbong kita :)) BASTA LIMIT MO NA YUNG SARILI MO OKAY? Ingat youuu :)

Oh yeah, I'm getting married. I do mehn, I do :)) hay, you are definitely going to my scrapbook. And it's just so unfair 'cause you're already dominating not only my thoughts but also my journals. Haha. Freaky no? Pano kung nalaman mong obsessed psycho pala ako? YEEE gusto mo naman yun eh =)) Grabe brad, bentang benta ka sakin lalo na yung Lizard pes mo while saying "Pretty uhuhuh" HAHAHAHA =)) tae you guys should see him do his some kind of pogi dance basta mukha siyang palaka. MUKHA SIYANG TANGA, pero sobrang love ko yung tanga mong face tangina I love you :)

I was feeling inspired about writing yesterday, and I tried so hard to be as poetic as possible but you know what? I don't think about sunsets, shooting stars, and the other crappy things that sound really romantic when Freddie Prinz Jr. says 'em. When I think about you, first thing that comes into my mind is Ragnarok and how lame you are for loving it XD (sorry RO lovers). Then magpopop na yung irritated face mo tas yung bastaa yung sound mo na parang nanggigigil na and sobrang pikon na HAHA >:) shet yun na. Then suddenly I'm drowning in your presence.

Idk. If you ask me, this is not "The Notebook" love story at all. I mean have I mentioned that you're not sweet? :| haha. This isn't a fairytale I'm clearly aint no Cinderella and well are you my prince charming? XD You're my frog prince :)) (SOBRANG NILALAIT NA BA KITA? XD) This is definitely not what I have imagined when I was still a little kid engrossed by the thought that fairies do exist. This...

This is just us, and how we can't wait 'til tomorrow to laugh at each other's stupidity or slap each other's faces as brutal as possible. But I love it when we watch DVDs :} Hay, screw your paranoia and screw what the others may comment. If they think we're not meant for each other then I'd like to make mistakes with you as many times as possible. This is how I love you, and it's in the weirdest way ever. None can compare :)

(haha mushy ba? wala akong pake mamatay ka sa hiya dyan :})

Until Tomorrow

2008-05-28T08:57:00.003+08:00

The ticking of the clock is fucked up.
Time's running out and this is unfair.
Where do we go from here,
How do we go on from here?
I miss you already.

(this is not a song, it's something I really feel this time)

HAPPY 17th REN! :D

Samer

2008-05-04T16:43:00.004+08:00

Shit hella fun. I was seriously drunk, shet sorry KUYA MARVIN, KUYA JAY, MIKE :}, AND LEA. Ahaha pero it was fun right? That was the perfect time to be drunk--the rain :), the pool, the booz!, the super loud music that bewildered the resort's owner XD, and well our house was just 10 steps away and we had the consent of our 'rents HAHA.. Pero nakakahiya sobra Kuya Jaaay gad gedmerning :))
When I woke up all of 'em were telling me that I was dead drunk and I was doing this and that tapos super straight english daw ako eh! Whutabout dapat pala lagi akong lasing eh :/ haha. Buti nalang wala akong namura--my conscience is clear :))

Tapos hay :} Kinikilig ako potek! Kahit walang kwenta yung nangyari ewan ewan ewan :x Lilipas din to hinahang over lang ako haha.

More pics on my Multiply :)

betch

2008-04-21T15:49:00.003+08:00

TAYO NA SA BEACH.

BILISSS :D

Seryoso lumabas naman tayo yung hindi pa-movie movie lang. Gusto ko road trip! Gusto ko ng mountain climbing! Gusto ko ng party like a rockstarrr XD Hindi na ko tinatamad I pramis. At oo, miss ko na kayoo :| Yee :} haha.

Kbye.

Maydayy

2008-04-13T05:16:00.002+08:00

So like any normal day, I wake up on the not-so-right-side of the bed, I put on my slippers, tie my hair up and wash my face. As I wipe the water trickling down my face I noticed something... I'm gaining weight big time. Omyflarginggoodness I mean ok ok I need this, but I'd appreciate it if the food and nutrition didn't go to my cheeks that much. Gadamit who has ever heard of a double chin connected to a mere stick? KADIRI :| haha, It's all right I guess 'cause the first comment I always hear from my old friends is that I need to gain weight and well I always get the question if I'm anorexic or something like that. I'm not ok? I'm naaat.

Ugh summer, living the unhealthy life is always its highlight. I sleep at 6am and wake up in the afternoon, yes right now it's exactly 5:26 am grabeee ang adik ko T_T I need a therapist XD Hay, I can't really explain what I'm feeling right now. Well, it's definitely not a nostalgia or a cringe for the what-has-been, not anymore :)

Idk I feel inspired but restless. Neberrmind.

Have you watched Idol Gives Back? Gahd I found myself wanting to be a social activist, if you have just seen those poor kids suffering from HIV. Gawd -__- and I thought the Philippines is wacked. Tsk, such a disgrace really. I have a headstart already on the Gloria Assassination :D

Arayt, I need to get some sleep really @_@

Jason Castro I love yew :}

tae

2008-04-05T16:44:00.002+08:00

UGH di ako nakapuntaaaa T_T SUPER SORRY ROCKS ugh, tae naman kasi eh sakto pa naubusan ako ng load so di kita nareplyan hay nako T_T I really wanted to come kasi super miss ko na kayo waa. Hay relax, relapse haha. Damn, HS is officially over for you guys and I'll really miss all of you. Sayang ngayon ko lang naging close yung iba sa inyo, pero we'll see each other again. Malay niyo some of you will work for me in the future HAHA. :D Kbye. Tapos Pete, mahahanap mo din siya UST ka ba naman daming single chix dun XD Pero basta hinay lang, tas ingatan mo sarili mo ah :) Rocky di kita mamimiss kasi lagi ka namang nasa isip ko eh XD at magpapakasal pa tayo, tapos sunduin mo ko sa new car mo wahaha. Pero di I'll really miss you big time. Wala na kong kasabay pauwi :( Hay.. Kaya ko 'to. Mag-aral ka rin mabuti ah! Para sa mga bata :} haha. Ayun, Kurt! Thank you, sorry din and God bless :]

Gahd, this summer is gonna be drop dead melancholic. Have I mentioned my series of unfortunate events? Well my mom's been missing for two weeks now, I know why do I sound so calm. BELIEVE ME I'M NOT. I just don't want any drama. but I do miss her big time, I don't want to think of negative things that might have happened to her. I'm just scared 'cause I'm not that strong. I just want her home. Please. Thank you sa lahat ng nagpray, thank you talaga.

Review. Gahd I don't need 'em (not being boastful or anything) They're totally useless. I'm doing this for formality sake, pero buti nalang ang fun nung binigay ni ate na Review Center, parang workshop shiz. KAYA YUNG MGA WALA PANG REVIEW CENTER, samin nalang kayo. We're gonna start on May 5, 9-12pm :]

Lord. Hay @_@

.

2008-04-03T15:47:00.002+08:00

I'm trying to be strong, and I'm doing the best I can not to break down. I'm starting to regain my once held faith, pero nga anong gagawin ko pag yung pinakakinakatakot kong mangyari yung nagkatotoo.

Magpapakamatay talaga ako. I don't care how gruesome this may sound, and I'm badly desperate. Don't take her away from me. We're not ready, no one is.

Please I need prayers.

HAHA

2008-04-01T20:56:00.002+08:00

GAGO HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!

Kbye.

Rocky I miss youuu seryoso mga 5 beses ko na ata sinasabi yan T_T haha. Peter din! Waaa. OK easy easy. Haha

Nabasa mo ba? Haha, drama no. Pero sana ikaw nga yung nakabasa. Wala lang matagal tagal rin naman bago tayo magkita ulit. Siguro tatawanan ko nalang yung matter na yun pag nabalikan ko. Last ko na yun. :)

halata bang ikaw lang pinag-iikutan ng mundo ko?

2008-03-22T01:33:00.002+08:00

Patapos na. Patience, damnit patience.

March 14, 2007--That was my last. Yeah right. I'm such a hypocrite or maybe I'm just this little girl who's desperate for attention hence my redundant melancholic poetry...

Or... Maybe I just really can't do it. I don't want to do it. Idfk why, but I just don't. I've been trying so hard to get you out of my system, when all the while I just didn't want to. Now that's just ironic and dumbfounded. I have memorized the process already... I wake up, I ignore, I pretend, I love you. I've been so used to this, I write a thousand prose at midnight and dedicate all of them to you. God already knew what I was going to ask from Him before I even made the sign of the cross. He knew that I was going to plead for me to find a different life, one that doesn't revolve around you. Can't you see? I'm just so tired of you. I'm tired of constantly looking for myself in your eyes and over and over I fail. I'm tired of this false hope that you always bring.

Kulang nalang isuka na kita.
Pero eto na nga
Patapos na
Kaya ko ba?
Tagal ko tong hinintay...
Pero bat parang ayoko parin tapusin.

Weird.

I'm so tired of breaking up with you when we're not even together. DAMNIT! You clueless son of a GODDESS :)) Don't come back, though you know I'll always be here. Don't. Take care :)

EXAMS NA nyemas Thank you LORD! @_@

pano ba to

2008-03-16T21:28:00.006+08:00

TELL ME HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO BREATHE WITH NO AIR?

Ugh. Itigil mo na to, napaka walang punto. Wala man lang warning para ka palang gobyerno natin tungo sa natural catastrophe, kulang sa warning system ayun tuloy nasira ako nang di oras. Ang labo talaga, parang basong hinugasan gamit ang sabong panlaba--nakikita ko parin yung kabilang dako pero di ko maintindihan. Ang labo talaga, para ka lang natutulog pero pinapatay mo ko. Oo alam ko yun. Kala mo hinde? Bawat tingin mo may katumbas na FUCK YOU PENG. Hindi naman kita masisi. Pero nga itigil mo na. Ewan ko baka naman mali ako, paranoid lang na naman. Pero iba eh. Gusto mo talaga akong patayin.

Can't see you anymore, won't feel you anymore. Hay seniors, mamimiss ko kayo. T_T
PETER, thank you. Dito lang ako, dohon't werri :)
ROCKY, I miss you! hahaha. Thank you din. AS IN, text ka palagi... tas pag nakakatulog ako babatukan ko sarili ko pramis haha.
I lahav yew both :)
Tubs and Valerie, KITKAT, Chelsea, Eira, Tanja, Karen, Chantel, Paola, Kurt, Dorcas, Geeenoo, Mariel, Justin Rodrigo! hahaha I'll miss you all mga somehow naging part ng buhay ko at oo ang drama wahaha. Goodluck sa college. :)

Hay. Ang sad. Peter :(
ROCKY :(

hahaha. Dayum.

so close

2008-03-02T17:47:00.003+08:00

FIL PLAY OVER AND DONE BEBEH!
Super overwhelming. @_@ THANK YOU guys, sorry sa mga nasigawan, nabatukan, napagsabihan ng di maganda and shiz. SORRY. I really expected our play to be so awful, but to our surprise the audience loved it. Wahaha. Shibal next year ulit. :| XD

And almost believing this was not pretend Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are So close So close And still so far

PROM PROM PROM!
Sorry na cause of delay ampota haha, serri serri. That's what you call fashionably late XD
Damn, I thought listening to that song over and over would make me forget, but it cuts me more. That night was made for me, for the both of us--dying for this moment to clear out our doubts, our anger, our past. You don't know how much I wanted to hug you and tell you that everything's fine and that I want to stop this spiral staircase that's leading us to nowhere. Leading ME to nowhere. I just want to forget. And scream. And run away.

And last night gave me that opportunity. It's over. DAMN IT'S OVER :)

I LOVE IT! hahaha I miss yew! :]

Thank you :]

evidence

2008-02-23T19:15:00.001+08:00

Caught you in the arms of another
I've been dying everyday since then.

MUST DL @_@ Evidence- Urbandub :]

Goodevening :]

dayum

2008-02-19T22:49:00.003+08:00

Ugh tis been a while. UP fair--one hell of a night @_@, Portfolio's done, olympics are on going, Fil play is fast approaching and I'm about to burst, prom's a bitch hence I LOVE IT XD, my promdate is supah HOT hahaha I miss you :], you still don't know and I'm bound not to show whatever my heart is hiding, my left arm is a mess, I'm super super in love with English right now, NAKAKATEXT KO NA SI WISE :} hahaha :|, di parin nababalik jacket ko, ANO BA TALAGANG SOUVENIR??, things between panget and me are good already, I miss my mom and to top it all off...

love changed everything. [hahaha]

HAHA :| damn.

Shitheads valentine's is over. Stop spreading the love. [hahaha yan, ganyan ang bitter] Just because you got me flippin, stumblin, crumblin, it doesn't give you the right to treat me so horrendously. You just don't make people fall in love with you and then treat them like trash. Ok rephrase, em not in love. You know the feeling when you like someone and you can't get someone out of yer head, but you're absolutely sure that yer not in love with that person. Ugh great. Just great, this is like a cliche love story in the making. And you don't even know you're the one I'm talking about.

Shut up Peng. Go to sleep :]

PROTEST-PROPHECY

2008-02-10T17:05:00.000+08:00

I've run out of complicated theories, so now I'm taking back my words...
And I'm preparing for the breakdown.

I wish I had Jack Sparrow's compass, and knew what it is that I wanted. Though I oppose on Thoreau's opinion that in order to be happy don't live a life that's planned out. Well for me, you should at least know where you want to be in the next ten years, what's a building without a foundation right? And so I protest on his prophecy but ironic as it may seem I am deeply uncertain of what I really want to happen at this point of my life.

I stand corrected for accusing people of being tremendously blind. Damn where the hell is this going @_@ Ok, Imma cut to the chase..

I miss you.

I miss talking with you, you know talking about crappy emo friendster profiles and laughing our asses off with their wrong grammars. Or even talking about different underground bands, and how the hell did this singer die or got replaced. And knowing that Flyleaf was a Christian band and all those other bands like Underoath and blah blah.. BASTA! You get me? I miss that stupid face you make, or the corny-pero-nakakapikon-banats that you utter, yung monotonous mong voice na sobrang dineprive sa pagkakaron ng feelings. Grabe sobrang irritated ako sa ugali mo, pero namimiss ko na yun T_T I don't want to get used to this feeling that since we both hate each other right now, tis ok for us to be like this 'til next year. I can't even remember why we're fighting. Oh wait, I got mad at something pero kasi parang 10 years ago na yun... tas naiinis ako ngayon sa school pag nakikita ko mukha mo. :| pero gusto ko na talaga makipag-ayos. Sobrang pointless na netong ginagawa natin. Sayang kasi eh...

STUCK IN A PARTY THAT WAS LAME TO BEGIN WITH

2008-02-08T23:43:00.000+08:00

So awhile ago we planned for our JS prom. We had Masquerade/Carnival Ball and Hollywood: Oscar's Night as our themes, I personally would like to have the Oscar's night 'cause first of all it's cheaper to pull off and it's limitless. That masquerade thing would be a blast also but unfortunately we don't have much time... Maybe next year. Guhh I'm really excited! :)) Though this would mean that I would have to adjust my scheduled tasks again, mehn I can do this. AJA!

FAVOR! Please give suggestions for our souvenirs [wag skinny jeans, jacket or kung ano mang labag sa aming bulsa hahaha] They want something useful, I'm thinking of having something personalized yet with the same theme. It also has to be versatile and unisex... and all in all we're going to have 130 souvenirs (3 extras just in case). So whut whut whuuut? @_@

Grabe talagaaa ang dami kong gustong gawin pero super preoccupied na ko. T_T Ang dami kong ideas for the play but unfortunately I was given a class of misfits, who can't learn or are too ignorant, arrogant and just plain stubborn to follow simple rules like: SHUT THE HELL UP. Memorize your lines! Oo daw sige kaya na daw nila, pero pag practice na? WALA. Walang kwenta. Thank you talaga for the cooperation, nakakatulong talaga kayo sa pag-progress ng ating play. Uhm teka progress? O sige bigyan niyo ko ng progress, at sasambahin ko kayo. I don't mean to be rude, but trust me you guys are way too arrogant already. Respeto na lang eh.

ROCKY SORRY NA T_T Eto na naman tayooo T_T

Ugh you're such a blahblah person, I hate it.

GGOODxNIGHT

2008-02-04T20:17:00.000+08:00

Ang mga salitang di masabi ng labi
ay ikinukubli sa ngiti.

Hay. Goodnight. @_@

CAUSE I LOOOVE! Hanging out with you. GO! GO! GO! 123 GO! [wtf XD]

2008-01-31T21:07:00.000+08:00

I've been blogging for like every other day, and no matter how much I express myself through the pressing of each key... I'm still not satisfied. Funny how everything is just so fast paced. And to be quite honest, I don't know if this is still my explanation for C H I L L. I'm thinking about latsa things:

1. My in-demand-projects.
2. Our crammed schedule for Noli.
3. My fatally gorgeous secret. :(
4. Those lovebirds.
5. My incomplete notes.
6. The thing that happened a few nights ago, and now we act as if that wasn't a magical night.
7. This bitter dude.
8. PROM, guh dagdag busy-ness amp.
9. This straight-jacket feeling :|
10. And how the hell am I going to pass Trigo when I don't use my calculator properly. @_@ Shit ganun lang pala kadali yun nag SohCahToa pa ko... gaddamn! 93 na dapat ako fack :|

Deym... I don't want to hear that song anymore. I know clearly that it's too cliche, like every other high school girl has that kind of depressing-unspoken-love-shiz. BUT IT REALLY HURTS T_T uhhh...

So I'll drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

I'm suddenly this teenybopper dude who fell in love with the most unexpected guy in the world. Ok wait I'm NOT in love. I'm just his friend who helps him overcome his problems, who tries to be there for his let's-make-my-ex gf-jealous-tactics, who rustles an ode about his smile while he talks about his day, and of course be the judge of his crushes that would make me comment like "aww she's cute" but deep inside I go like "damn I'm gonna kill this girl"... This is so grade school. Rawwrr, but then again...

Wala :)

LOVE IS INDEED A FALLACY

2008-01-29T19:36:00.000+08:00

Sino nga ba si Peng? Siya yung bumubuo sa salitang baliw. Ewan. Baliw dahil sa bawat araw na ginawa ng Diyos, lagi mo siyang mahuhuling nakatitig sa isang tao. Nung una sa isang pader, nalipat sa isang bintana, at ngayon na-focus sa isang tao. Magdadala siya ng libro sa MAPEH or TLE pag may quiz, bubuklatin niya pero wala siyang mamememorize dahil sa taong yun. Sa madaling salita, yung taong yun ang dahilan sa pagca-cram ni Peng sa mga nasabing subject. Baliw dahil minsan kausap na nga niya yung taong yun, pero yung feeling parin niya parang isa siyang distant star. Nyehess may ganun? Kaso, bulag yun eh. Masyadong nagpapaka-martyr.

Kanina absent ako, dahil tinamad akong pumasok. OO SERYOSO NAKAKASAWA NA. Yung tila.. Nakakainis na yung mga taong pumapaligid sayo [well di naman lahat] basta, yung mga taong nakakapag dagdag ng stress mo. BWISET talaga. Mga taong kailangan mong iwasan, dapat mong pakitunguhan, at mga taong kailangan mong makipagplastikan kapag nagkakasalubong kayo sa corridor o sa banyo. Parang UGH I hate your motherfucking face so please do me a favor and wear a paper bag. Damn. Sama ko ba? Well sorry ka.

Isa pa, ayoko na mag-aral. Pwede bang mag call center nalang agad ako? Alam ko namang makakapasa ako sa training at interview eh, oh instant 15k na agad yun. Pero hinde, kailangan kong magmemorize ng mga lecheng formulas, maging one man group para sa mga di makaintinding Koryano, at maging megaphone na talak ng talak kapag may kabalastugang ginagawa ang mga sira ulo kong klasmeyts. Kailangan ko bang pagtiisan lahat ng to bago tumuntong sa kolehiyo?! PLEASE. I don't want to.

Well sige na nga, para kay Mama at Papa din to. [WTFH] Hay nako. Pero sa kabilang dako ng mundo, nananatili parin ang isang lihim na tila sumisigaw ngunit di mo marinig. Di mo makita, di mo mapansin, di mo lang alam. Ikaw main problem ko. Ikaw pala yung bumabagabag sa utak ko, ikaw pala yun. Ngayon di ka na maalis. Kahit ang dami dami dyan, ikaw parin yung ineelivate nung stage at di ko maalis sa utak ko yun. At kahit nagbo-blog ako ngayon at medyo madami ding makakaalam... Hindi mo parin malalaman. Wag mo na sanang malaman. Baka masira tayo.

So yun lang... Sino nga ba si Peng? Your lover is an actress baby.

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY MIKE "BENJYY" LOZANO! (Tomorrow :D)

pota

2008-01-27T19:59:00.000+08:00

NAPAKA HIGH SCHOOL, NAPAKA MARTYR, NAPAKA USUAL
PERO LAHAT MAKAKACONNECT. LAHAT MAKIKIKANTA.
TIAL ISANG CONCERT ANG PADPAD
KAPAG ETO NA ANG NAPAG-UUSAPAN.
SOBRANG FEEL MO IKAW LANG NAKAKADAMA NIYAN?
HINDE NO, HINDI LANG IKAW ANG MISERABLE SA MUNDONG TO.
HINDI LANG IKAW YUNG INIWAN. NILOKO. AT NGAYON GINAGAGO.
KAYA KA NGA BINIGYAN NG UTAK PARA MAG-ISIP. GAMITIN MO BOI.
NAKAKAGAGO SERYOSO. LAHAT TO MAY KATAPUSAN, KAYA MATUTO
KANG MAGPARAYA.

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see

INFERNO

2008-01-26T16:55:00.000+08:00

Still fatal. I can't even put this in to words. What the hell do you want me to do? I understand that you're just thinking for my betterment, but clearly I don't see anything wrong with what I'm doing. If my happiness is your downfall well shit that really hurts me. And if I'm really changing and you don't like it then please tell me, don't talk behind me. You guys are the people I expect to understand me the most. But right now I just feel so abandoned. The only thing wrong here is that I didn't bother to tell you guys, but you know eventually I will... Ano ba naman ako diba? This is so depressing, I need Edward :(

On the other hand I AM COMPLETELY BAFFLED. Challenged as well, and don't forget tormented, stressed, cursed, and obviously not okay. A part of me goes "Awww" but at the end of the day I go "WTF am I putting myself in to?!" then it all comes back to you. I hate it that until now you're still THE basis for my perfect man. No wonder I have ten, 'cause I can't seem to find anyone who can suit this perfect one. But I don't want this anymore, this-this momentary bliss is just so heartbreaking. Idk am I just being pressured by the fact that my friends aren't supporting me? Or I'm just dead wrong?

Ugh, last night... last night broke my heart. Why do I even bother to say I'm sorry? I didn't do anything wrong to you. I feel so stupid.

But it was also last night that I realized, maybe I need someone else. Someone who calls me Penguin, who makes me wear that bright smile when he fetches his brother from our school :)
Thank you :)

MY SECRET IS FATALLY GORGEOUS

2008-01-22T20:54:00.000+08:00

Fatal. Yeahp, that's what you are. Fatally gorgeous and knocks me off my feet. It's funny that I don't see you anymore yet I remain to be this happy wth is this obsession? Or maybe I'm just really happy for the first time. THOUGH... You're breaking my heart, and putting on a "dream on!" sign big enough for me to notice and fall a part, I'm happy this way XD Weird, super weird. It's like infatuation with benefits. Whatever that is XD

Well, come to think of it... You're not the only one who's making me happy so don't put so much air in your head ok? Sus! ASA KA PA :)) Why settle for ONE, when I have TEN? hahaha. Behtch.

Kanina sa cab, the driver suddenly made a chit chat with me w/c was kinda weird 'cos usually people have a hard time talking to me for the first time idk, they find me intimidating.. for short mataray :| Haymnot haymnot :| Haha anyway, so yun nga the driver was talking about his HS life and he said that highschool really is the best part of one's life. Wala lang, natuwa ako... I ain't wasting this roller coaster ride arayt? Neither should YOU.

Hey, I love you. Nothing romantic or schmaltzy, but I really do. Let's stop this, I really miss you and it's so sad that we're not talking when we both know there isn't anyone better to talk to than you with me, and me with you. I was planning to go on strike, you know... set my pride on fire again, but the hell with pride! This thing should be solved pronto. So, yeah... I'll let you do the thinking.

If you were right, and I was wrong... Why are you the one who's gone?
And I'm still here.
(LSS @_@ taeee)

IT'S NOT OVER TONIGHT

2008-01-20T20:57:00.000+08:00

Why suddenly the cold treatment? Did I scare you? You're acting so weird, it's not like we're getting married. This is a big big world, and you're not the only one who's in it. This is just for a night, nothing more nothing less. I wouldn't ask for a fairytale ending night, what difference would it make? Fairy tales are for hopeful people who don't have any sense of reality (sheesh what an irony, hopeful for destiny but confuses it with reality). I guess I was wrong about you, and to think I wished upon a star... and for a second there I became one of those hopeful people. Oh curse you and that smile, and that nose, and those eyes and pretty much everything from the single bacteria that was out of you. I just.. ugh, I just miss you. Can that ever be so wrong? :|

PARAMORE T_T

2008-01-17T20:42:00.000+08:00

WELL THAT'S A BUMMER. PARAMORE IS NOT COMING HERE IN THE PHILIPPINES ON THE 21st OF JULY. Sorry to break your hearts dudes. I know, I know hay awts. Well still ain't satisfied? Check out the official website of their scheds www.paramorefans.com Grabe para akong namatayan nung nalaman ko yun ughhh HAYLEY HERE US! (ok obsession much? haha) MCR's coming here also (lapit na :]), AND SO IS NEYO!!!! ugh! I want I waaaaant! :|

SLIGHT HOPE

2008-01-14T19:38:00.000+08:00

&& The heart's not all over the world tonight.

I said I got to be honest I've been waiting for you all my life.

FRENCH FRIES

2008-01-09T13:26:00.000+08:00

Just so you know, the only thing I really want is to see him laugh. You know, hear him sing off-key... watch him roll his eyes at me when I steal french fries off his plate. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm crazy for him. This is all turning into one big love...rectangle-plus-one, whatever that is. XD

This can be a catastrophe any moment which makes life a bit unusual BUT pretty funny if you ask me. It can get a bit tough sometimes.. you know, when you fall in love but they forget to love you back... Yeahp a big big L on the forehead is what I might get nevertheless a bumpy road is all I need. Care to join me? :)

Hell yeah..

EH GANUN..

2008-01-06T15:24:00.000+08:00

Eh bat ako nagb-blog? Kasi masaya ako. Eh bat ako masaya? Kasi ganun talaga :D
haha. Malabo ba? Oo nga eh, pansin ko rin. Kailangan mo maging wise para maintindihan ako haha! Joke lang naman, mapaghanap ako ngayon ng sweets. Teka parang nagmamalfunction ata ang appetite ko. Diba pag depress ka kumakain ng sweets? EH ANO BANG PAKE KO. XD Hay nako. Malabo ulit? Ganun talaga... :)

Bakit ganun Lord? Feel ko yun na eh, biglang ops teka mali ata. Tapos sa susunod na araw papatayin mo ko sa ngiti niya, pero maya maya mistulang doormat nalang ako?? KAMON! You're better than that! Para siyang orang juice na walang citrus! Kahit anong pilit ko sa juicer wala kang mapiga. Ang clueless ko. Magpapakasal na kami eh, bigla kong narealize di pala siya nag-propose. Engaged na dapat kami eh, biglang walang singsing. Promdate ko na siya eh, well yun alam niya yun. PERO UGH GANITO NA LANG? Ano ba namang klaseng tao ka? Ang cute cute mo pero wala kang friendster! Pero bat kita sinastalk? Eh diba araw-araw naman kitang nakikita? Ewan. Nung isang araw you were making me some dinner, tapos the next day malaman-laman ko na may mga blah blahs ka pang iba? OMFGSH.

Pero nga kasi ako lang ata nakakadama nito. Ako lang.

Tapos eto pang isa, si "Hey sweetie :)" SEND TO MANY. Ugh! :| Mas flirt ka pa sakin boi. Nagugulumihanan ang aking aspekto kapag ang feelings mo na napag-uusapan natin. Wag kang Ferris wheel na paikot ikot lang. Baka mahilo tayo ng sobra at maalis sa mga kinauupuan natin. Wag.

---------

I was chatting with my baby a while ago and I received a news. I wasn't shocked, in fact it's confirmed. And I'm so happy for you. Finally, take care of your heart this time :)

IT'S TOO CLICHE.

2008-01-05T21:44:00.000+08:00

It Means Nothing by Stereophonics must DL. Oh and have you heard of the band Nameless Heroes? They're awesome, and the bassist is mine :D

Well I need to strain this chaos, I mean it's too cliche! I'm just really happy ok? It's so nice to wake up every morning and just smile for no reason. :)
Ok whatever, say what you want to say--I'm pretentious and in denial but what the hell! Time will tell ok? I don't want to jump in to conclusions, I'm just gonna enjoy this ride... :)

Ugh! This holiday is so BITIN... just when blah blah and I are having the time of our lives at home. I'm not ready to go back to my second home (school), hence another prison. -__- I already finished our group's English script, my 1st and 4th portfolio essay for AGAIN English, and I'm halfway through my Picture story, Photo Album and Book Analysis. Tapos ang stupid! Just when I was about to do half of our Noli script... guess what? Wala sakin yung libro T_T Yan napapala ng mga di sumusunod sa bring-home-all-your-books-policy gorr.

Uhm yeah classmates! We're going to have a quiz on Monday in English about our Elocution Piece. Ok this may sound funny, but I want to win a place in the Elocution this year hahaha wala just to feel weee I won something! haha! Pero wala, I just want to prepare seriously for something this time. The only time when I put my heart in to something is when I'm required to do it or my life depended on it. Well yeah when I want something I work hard for it, and blah blah blahs...

So far my 2008 is wicked rad :D

:)

2007-12-31T01:58:00.000+08:00

Due to public demands, and my mom's continuous rambling... I finally have a new number, one that works and I'm really gonna use it this time. I'm not really a text, call, telebabad person. I'm a self-proclaimed anti-social, I mean I can go to Trinoma alone and have the time of my life. Nagtetext lang ako noon kasi meron akong gustong katext, pero ngayon wala naman kasi eh. Hahaha. I'm not even a chat person, I intoxicate myself with the internet but not with chatting, hence my social life is this (widen arms gesture) LAME.

SO ANYWAY, Imma cut to the chase. Please send me your mobile numbers or just IM me if you intend to get my number. (I'm so not used to doing this advertising shiz)

KBYE. [the sound of the waves are clashing in my ears gahhh, I love it here. :) Wireless internet is the best! Kuha na kayo pero nagloloko paminsan, pero asteeg parin haha]

twisted

2007-12-30T01:38:00.000+08:00

Oh glory 2008 is, apparently on my watch, a day to go. Ok so, I'm gonna reminisce for a while.. haha. Loser. But what the hell, blog ko to eh.. sorry ka nalang. :D

2007 was one hell of a rollercoaster T_T I really didn't expect things to be this way. I thought I'd just live my life like any normal girl in highschool, but apparently the statement of me being NORMAL is totally wacked. My 2007 life has been on extremes. I've experienced joy--triumphant, jubilant, exuberant, poignant days with my cheek bones almost getting numb because of smiling throughout the whole day. Sadness--painful, melancholic cry-me-a-river days. STRESSFUL DAYS which include petty fights and the like.

It was in 2007 when I went completely ballistic. There were days when I would party so hard, but the next day I'd spend the whole day lying in bed, wasting teardrops while listening to "senti" songs. I was a complete mess: failing subjects, disobeying BIG TIME my 'rents, going home way too late, internet until my eyes pop out, unbearable tantrums T_T, messing the life of others, and so much more. I beg my apologies, I was looking for a way to kill time... more like killing the depression. If I didn't do anything that's out of this world, chances are I'll be having severe insomia nights in my memory-packed planet.

Well, after so many months.. guess what? I KILLED THE DEPRESSION. And I'm like exulting myself right now. I'm really really really happy. I've learned so many things, and the best one is not to find a replacement for your happiness. Don't ever force yourself into doing something unacceptable just because your pride is eating you. Just go with the flow of life. SO I'M SORRY. I'm still mad at you, nevertheless I'm still sorry.

Wee I'm going to the beaaach. Sana di umulan sa New Year :| Haaaay :)

trippin' stumblin' fumbling :)

2007-12-27T15:02:00.000+08:00

You've got me trippin! Stumblin'! Flippn'! Fumbling! Clumsy 'cause I'm fallin' in looove. Ok wala lang. haha I woke up with something screaming in my head. I pleaded and pleaded to hear the song 'With You' on the radio even though I have it on my Ipod. Wala lang I just thought of claiming a sign. So I waited...

Commercial. I Wanna Know- Joe. Go On Girl- Neyo. Hate That I Love You- Rihanna and Chris Brown. Commercial.

Ayoko na nga! This sign shiz is full of craaap. Maliligo na lang ako. So bangon ako sa bed, put on my slippers and got my towel.. Pagkahawak na pagkahawak ko sa door knob.. biglang!!

~I need you boo. I gotta see you boo, and the heart's all over the world tonight. Said the heart's all over the world tonight!~

Napa-freeze talaga ako eh. Tapos yun na, the smile on my face can't seem to be worn off. I don't really know what sign I was looking for, but the hell with it! It made me happy so.... lalala :D

Mmm damn right, I'm gonna talk about my Christmas celebration. Well at least I'll blog those things that I can remember because I was dead ~~drunk~~. :| I'm very sorry pero when you've got an Ate Chic and an Ate Gab mmm be ready for anything and everything! Haha. Ughhh they're so fun to be with even the littlest ant na umaakyat sa bottle ng wine pinagtatawanan namin :)) Hay. The ham was delicious, my gifts are few, my money is better XD Oh oh! Before I got completely inebriated... my family and I went to our traditional celebration/reunion with the Eleazars, Cuevas, San Agustins, and the others I can't seem to remember @_@

As usual I saw my cousins. My titos and titas who are nearly my age some are even younger haha. Tapos I saw my two handsome titos: Gil and Basty (damn it! they're gonna be cover men of magazines someday, diba Kit? haha) Tapos grabe I wasn't expecting that much people. I saw A LOT of kids whom I don't remember anymore. And that made me feel so OLD. Deym! Tapos I kissed/beso every Lola and Tita (blech! :|) Tapos lahat sila, kada table.. "Wow, she's so big now. Is this Peng?" blah blah blah "They grow up so fast!", "I remember when she'd still run in her undies." OK CUT THE CRAP :)) I just hate those memory-tripping lines. XD

And then we got home just in time to greet everyone in our household a very merry Christmas (including WISE haha!) Hay grabe talaga!! Oh wait.. I still remember fighting with someone over the YM, I remembered this because I was going through my message archives and saw our latest conversation. I was astounded. I'M SORRY @_@ I didn't understand our conversation but I knew you were hurt. My words were ballistic and rude, so please please please I'm really sorry. Hope you'll read this. Guhh nahihiya tuloy ako @_@ Just a tip for everyone, don't drink and drive through nonsensical conversations over the YM. @_@

SORRY TALAGA. T_T

2007-12-23T13:44:00.000+08:00

O call not me to justify the wrong,
That thy unkindness lays upon my heart,
Wound me not with thine eye but with thy tongue,
Use power with power, and slay me not by art,
Tell me that love's elsewhere; but in my sight,
Dear heart forbear to glance thine eye aside,
What need is it that wound with cunning when thy might
Is more than my over pressed defense can bide?
Let me excuse thee, ah my love well knows,
Her pretty looks have been mine enemies,
And therefore from my face she turns my foes,
That they elsewhere might dart their injuries:
Yet do not so, but since I am near slain,
Kill me outright with looks, and rid my pain.

Another feeling shared with Shakespeare. I feel so neglected yet my only remedy is to go back. An irony it is. Just please be mine. When your eyes glance at me, let me have your sight and no one else. Remove your stare, and I'll set you free. For now? I'm in rage. But I know things will fall in place. The wind from another path will strum your leaves and take you away from me, but I will be just fine because winds are everywhere. We are all blinded by these lights, that we dare not see the winds that bind us together. Searching for what's right in front of our face, take notice.

Well, I was chatting with Clara and Edward a while ago. Gawd the feeling of adrenaline and distraught was reigning over me. Edward's in love. THEY'RE BOTH IN LOVE. Gawd, they grow up so fast. haha! Well, Idk.. when Ed told me about that in love shiz with Kate, I suddenly felt a pin-poking-pain @_@ Weird. Usually, I'd say "ayeee, go for it!" and the like.. pero it took me a while before I had the nerve to say that. Idk, I'm jealous? Maybe I'm just not used to sharing with others my bestfriend. I mean, I've had boyfriends before but he was always my priority next to my family. IDK. NO no no no, I'm not in love with my bestfriend. I just can't, and I wont. Nagseselos lang talaga ako T_T haha.

Well girl you better not break his heart or you'll have a broken nose. :) Peace.

Happy Birthday Jesus!
Merry Christmas ya'll.

2007-12-21T23:45:00.000+08:00

Goodnight, goodnight.
Bow to the moon
And kiss the stars.
Tonight, tonight.
Prevail in the dark
Tears to scars.

Take me away
End this day.
Bring me peace, tonight.

I bid goodbye tonight.
I bid to you, goodnight.

k.

2007-12-21T21:07:00.000+08:00

Christmas party weeeee. Kbye. Pictures later or after a day or so, I'm too lazy to post 'em all plus hihingin ko pa yung iba so later aligatur. So yun, it was pretty awesome if you ask me. I was a bit disappointed with our song, actually my solo part only, I practiced my part so well the last time tas biglang poof :| That goes to our presentation also, nalate ako sa pagpasok tenks talaga Eme XD oh well, irdc about that anyway.

T. Alta and I are a-okay already. Gahd damn no more weeping over needless tantrums @_@. My stress-a-thon days are ovarr bebeh! Well for now at least. We still have A LOT to accomplish geez watta break this is. (Well I'm too lazy to blog about everything that happened awhile ago. Uhm THANKS REN REN MAY SUGAT AKO SA FINGER :| Zara ko =)) Habayanas ko, RED DRESS KO :|) Ohhh that witch with a capital B should be moping off her ass by now, you crazy little brat WATCH YOUR WORDS. I swear you are dealing with the wrong people. :)

-----------------

Wait, I feel like ranting. I hate men, well not all men. I just hate men who are just like you. I think you just need to grow up. Not all girls are perfect, NO ONE IS. You constantly look for the one who will make your days more worth while, you grab every opportunity just to see us smile. You have managed to make us feel beautiful inside and out, we give you our all, we fall on pranks. But we don't need to tell you everything we've done just to attain that faint spark of triumph every time we are with you. And you say we are the ones who are changing, yes changed--we really have. We have transformed ourselves into perfect Barbie dolls, just to make your every day THE best day of your life.

I hate it. How we get all emotional, crying when you guys should be pleading before our feet. I hate men who are just like you. But I don't hate you. You are still my remedy, my medication, and my sanctuary. Isn't it ironic? I don't want you to leave just yet, 'cause you'll be waking up one day to realize that it should have been me all along. And guess what? I won't be there anymore when that time comes.

-----------------

Ugh! Are we ok? Please confirm :| This is so frustrating yesterday you were my sun, today you are my defeat. What the hell is up?

holiday cheer?

2007-12-16T18:21:00.000+08:00

THINGS TO DO:
ENGLISH
1. Portfolio #s 1-4
- Things I Like About Myself (Descriptive Essay)
- My Bestfriend (Essay)
- Things I Like About My Class (Photo Captioned thingo haha)
- The Best Times Of My Life (Anything you want, basta hindi essay)
2. Film Making
- Groupmates, we'll be shooting during the Holiday break. (that sounded a bit redundant haha, who the hell cares.)
3. English Elocution
- Who knows when @_@
FILIPINO
1. Noli Play
MUSIC
1. Music Video Making (African-inspired)
-Again groupmates, we'll be shooting during the break.

I've been seeing someone for 2 years, 5 months and 3 days, then he just got engaged to someone else--and he forgot to tell me. And up to this very moment that I'm sharing my whole story with you, despite all his shortcomings, I still love him endlessly... and I think that's what has been hurting me the most.

When you cling on to something that isn't there anymore, that's when you realize that you're completely insane. When you constantly reject every guy who just wants to help you overcome that memory-packed-painful-era you're in. When you look for.. ugh I can't do this.

No matter how many haircuts I have, how many girls' night outs I plan, how many pictures I take just to reassure myself that "hey! I'm damn gorgeous, there's nothing to mope about."-- I still can't change the fact that it's during these nights, when my head lands on my pillow, that I cry the same tears questioning myself.

What went wrong? What did I do wrong?

Mmm, Peeeeeng. Stop living a movie-script life, have I mentioned to you that ever since I stepped up to middle school (grade 5-7) I've been having these movie-cutes.. meaning the things you see in the movies like, you are chilling in a forsaken coffee shop, then the most romantic song plays on their radio (after hearing 2 straight rock songs), you flip the next page of your chillax book, then.....
............. your long lost "boyfriend" (because you never really had him) enters the coffee shop, you stare at him with mixed emotions, as if all of your questions before came back. You want to talk to him, but the things that happened before came rushing through your veins. You remember every drop of tear wasted. You want to ask him where the hell he has been, why did he leave without even saying goodbye. That 5-second-staring-game was like hell, 5 seconds changed your life. And then just like that, like when he first left you (and then after 6 days you heard that he's in love with your close friend) without a sound... he was gone.. again (his friends tagged along thus ending your staring game).

And then, you go home with a broken heart.

And yes, I am not speaking hypothetically. That really happened to me, and trust me... I've gone through worst. I mean hello! Give up the cameras and video cams now, I'm tired of playing this game. If you may... show the credits now. End my contract.

CHEENO

2007-12-13T19:15:00.000+08:00

CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO.

Ok, obviously I'm obsessed @_@ again, again, agaiiiin...

CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO.
CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO.
CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO. CHEENO.

Ok stop.

Well who the hell is Cheeno right?! It started last night, after school my family and I went to UP to watch my sister's play prod entitled The Silent Soprano. First of all, it was superb. I've watched musicals before and truth to be told this is the best one so far. Claps ate! :D Tapos grabe Eugene Domingo was there, you know the always-comedian-manang in so many chickflick Filipino movies. Basta siyaaaa, and omg idol ko talaga siya. She's so versatile. Then then then! While I was bedazzling over Lex Marcos' panlaglag-panty voice (HAHAHA please don't blame me for these expressions, eto napapala magkaron ng mga ate na bading XD) so yun nga, while Lex Marcos was singing, here comes a reporter (that's his role) criticizing Margie (the main character), tapos this reporter had a solo song, and he was singing right in front of me and gaddamn was he good. @_@ But the best part is yet to come, while he was singing this line.. "Would you fall for such a mysterious, heart-breaking, yet ponderous smile?"-- dun sa poderous part he looked at me straight in the eye. I nearly fell off my seat ohgaaahd, tapos sobrang di ko na-contain yung pag grin ko so gahh loser :)) then he smiled. Then I died.

So yun, fast forward. After the play, we waited outside the theatre for my sister. Tapos sinabi ko kay ate na crush ko yung reporter guy tapos sabi niya "Ah si CHEENO?" tapos blah blah blah, talk talk, tas pansin ko nawala si ate.. so hinayaan ko nalang, pag tingin ko sa likod (OH MEHN OH MEHN!) "CHEENO, sister ko.. si Peng." parang ako sa likod ng utak ko "omg omg omg @_@ he looks like the lead singer of Urbandub POTEK cute mo! haha" tapos he shook my hand and oh gahd i'm never gonna wash this right hand of mine!!!!

Nah, who am I kidding.. I just washed my hands like 20 minutes ago XD Pero HAY. Grabe, pag nagka-crush ako sa isang tao, beware. :))

2007-12-11T21:53:00.000+08:00

Magising ka naman, naglalaro kayo ng pitik-bulag pero hindi mo naman alam kung pano laruin yun. Bat di mo subukang lumingon? Bat di mo subukang tanggalin ang lubid na nakalapat sa 'yong mga mata? MATAUHAN KA NAMAN CHONG. Nakakagago na eh. Wala kang napapala at kahabag-habag naman at ako pa ang mas nasasaktan. Bato bato sa langit, tamaan wag magalit. (Sana bukas magbagsakan ka ng boulder, masakit yun diba? Oh yan alam mo na ibig kong sabihin)

All Hope Is Gone

2007-12-06T21:01:00.000+08:00

Guh I am hugging (take note hugging not hogging) the internet right now, I so missed it XD Well, stupid trojan viruses invaded my pc again, feel ko dahil sa mga dinodownload kong brushes eh haha, and dun sa ultimate-guitar.. GORR!! May pop-ups mehn, badvibes. HAY T_T at least my files are safe and sound. So my internet days are limited now (cry me a riverrr) I hate using this laptop, walang photoshop walang chever na gusto ko loser. Well this is better than nothing.

OK OK, so 95 isn't my lowest. 81% pala sa.... HEALTH ugh!! T_T hahaha, leche. Epal na round yun, pwede namang circular ah! XD Bwiset. Let it go Peng, calm down. I hate school right now, and it's because of this particular person.. KILALA MO EME? She gets me frustrated like I have to be this role model (w/c I AM NOT) to everyone. Pshh mukha mo. Anong masama sa pagkanta ha?! Nung kabataan mo kasi di ka kasing saya namin. We are not asking for attention you stereotyped person you! FYI my friends and I are perfectly fine, we act weird, bully a lot.. but the hell with it! We are still loved no matter what, IN YOUR FACE CAR FACE. Disciplined naman kami eh, we keep quiet when we need to.. pero yung simple things like that wag mo nang pakeelaman please. Tapos you can't accept defeat pa, hay nako. Hindi ikaw ang laging tama, pinapaalala ko lang. -__-

Anyway, grabe I stumbled upon my old blog a while ago. WAH thar, kasi I was typing "alaughingfool.multiply.com" sa address bar, then all of a sudden "allstrange.bg.com" came up so I was astounded because it's been like a year since I last opened that site. So yun, HAHA Grabe, when I read through every post tawa ako ng tawa, mga wrong grammar/ typo/ spelling haha fani bones. Pero parang aww :) haha wth basta it's like "woah I wrote/typed these stuff?!" ang mushy! SUPERmushyXD Yaaaack. haha kbye

Our situation is worst than ever.~~ All hope is gone.. lala lala todo LSS sa Guillotine. HAY :) Pero :| Yeah. sobrang :| Ewan ko kung bakit. :| Bakit nga ba? :| Kasi nagkukulang ako sa "usap". :| Hindi ako sanay :| Itigil mo na. :|

HAY NAKOOOO

2007-12-01T15:53:00.000+08:00

Argh! I'm stuck here all alone, in this forsaken prison guhh T_T ONE MORE CHANCE T_T Nakakainis talaga, dalawang gimik ang nireject ko ngayon isa yung sa Trinoma/ SM Fairview whatev at yung pangalawa yung concert sa Araneta. Hay nako talaga. Mami :

Well I watched Stay Alive, Silent Hill and Wishing Stairs a while ago (sunod sunod haha). Syempre nag thrill-a-thon naman ako eh di na naman Halloween. Tapos grabe pinaka natakot ako sa Stay Alive di ko alam kung bakit XD After 3 consecutive horror flicks, I felt like I was in a delirium, super kung nakita niyo ko lmao mode kayo XD Eh kasi ba naman dun sa part na nafifigure out na nila na yung game may connect sa pagkamatay nung mga taong involved (matching pakshit sounds @_@) YUNG VOLUME NAG-INCREASE/ DECREASE nang di ko naman pinipindot :S Tapos diba may buzz effect nung mosquito? Sheet may narinig talaga ako T_T haha argh. Epekto lang to ng sugar.

WOO!
Can you feel it?
Do you feel it?
Coming down..
The wind chills down my spine, oh it's December once more :)

Easy easy. Kbye.

Stolen

2007-11-30T15:19:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday Mami Alta! :)

So the exam results were already given, my grades are pretty fine if you ask me in fact they're excellent, but they're just not as high as I used to have. My highest was a 100% in Fil, 98% in Geom, tapos the others are ranging from 95 and above. What I'm moping about is that I could've done better.. I was expecting to ace the Chem exam kasi super dali lang talaga, well truth to be told I perfected everything all right, except for the fact that I forgot to recheck my answers and because of carelessness my 100% flunk down to a heartbreaking 95% T_T I know, I know a 95 isn't bad at all pero ang heartbreaking talaga nun... The least I could've done was to ace my exam kasi laging akong late thus I always miss my first subject--Chemistry. Hay, tapos T.Alta confronted me that my grades aren't high as they used to be (GUHH I KNOW THAT :|) . I don't know what's happening to me lately. Actually for this whole school year, I feel so dumb-founded. Wala naman akong suicidal na problema. Wala naman akong lovelife na inaatupag, or boyfriend na "sagabal" daw sa pag-aaral.. at kung meron man ako nun aba haller as if naman papagpalit ko grades ko sayo. THAT'S JUST IT. I know what I should and shouldn't do, I know every process and I know I can perfect any test I want... BUT WHY AM I NOT DOING IT?! :| Guhh, sobrang I envy Jus and Nonee right now... bat ganun? They can maintain their grades. Tas naglalaban pa kami ni Mon palagi. GADDAMN true enough that life is a process of survival, but school isn't a competition at all. Get that in your head Peng!! Bat ba ko nappressure kung magcocollege rin naman kaming lahat? Guhh.. Lord T_T I want my old self back.

It won't be too long until our so called "rising economy" experience Martial Law. I kept my eyes focused on everything that was happening there in the Manila Pen. Hotel.. (Kaya di naka-ol haha)

UGH! Trillanes was just right to host a protest against Gloria, he won the elections but still he was put to jail. What the fxck is that right? She's a severe wacko. I just don't get the point of having a curfew (Yes, for you who is still not updated the curfew is from 12mn- 5am) the military says it's for everyone's protection. WHAT IS THERE TO PROTECT WHEN YOU'VE GOT THE CRIMINALS ALREADY?! This is just one of Gloria plots to declare Martial Law. She'll say that our nation is under a calamity of rebellious people.. NEWS FLASH bitch Our country is full of activists ever since Marcos' era, or way before that even. Our country is not remotely close from a "rising economy". Did you know that it isn't because of her that our Peso-Dollar exchange is lowering? It's because the exchange of a dollar to other big countries like Japan and Europe is getting higher (1 EURO= 1,50USD), thus our Peso-Dollar value is now 42pesos=1$.

But still our hopes for an impeachment is worthless, sinong ipapalit si Noli de Castro? Come on! Si Loren Legarda? FACK. Mamatay nalang tayo. Let's just wait for PGMA death haha I mean resignation in the year 2010. I can't wait to have her assassinated.

up

2007-11-24T14:03:00.000+08:00

TEKA 'nough dramatic crap, this is more important. SCHOOL STUFF gahh:

Nov. 26' 07 - English Notebooks
Nov. 27' 07 - V2Day Checking dapat complete
Nov. 29' 07 - Submission of Chem Research Paper.
If you guys don't know the related topics well (since this is my way of calming myself down) here they are:

1. Research on how super glues are made, discuss its principle behind its sticking power.
2. Chemical reactions that occur in the ff situations:
a. Acid Rain b. Dyeing of Hair c. Decaying of fruits
d. Burping e. Yellowing of Teeth
3. Production of the ff pollutants:
a. Mercury b. Lead c. Sulfuric Oxides
d. Methane
Show how you, as a student, can help reduce the said pollutants

I'm making a paper on number 2, but if you don't like making such research I'd go for number 1. :D

Grabe, oo na nerd na. Tumigil ako sa kaka-iyak nung game sa AP plus points din yun. Haha. Ampf but it all comes back to me in the end. Boo youu, gahd damnit. You don't deserve my tears, nor my emotions and most definitely!! You don't deserve any of my time. Kudos. Be marry, love all you want... I'll always be your angel, guiding you, loving you with distance.. but keep in mind that I'll always be a better person with or without you.

KIT TAMA. StuDYING here I come. For those who want reviewers on AP, Fil and Math, just inform me. :)

perfect ending

2007-11-24T03:59:00.000+08:00

Walk upon that hallway.
Pause.
Look up.
And from that rope,
Letters from a February's night
Petals from the wandering place
Of that moon-lit moment
Will curse your blinded eyes.
Stop
And stare.
Let these stitches be thy lips
Convey each forced thread
Pressed into my strands.
Bewildered rope,
Subdue all its mishaps.
Flash them back to your mind
Analyze its choking victim,
Nothing has changed.

It's still me.

hepi bersday

2007-11-18T14:06:00.000+08:00

Oh gally shmally! Well for my post birthday celebration Emery, Anna, Avee, Nikki, Leslie, Mike, Jus, Gian, Pathreeck, Reynreyn, John, Pao, Maco, Mark M, John the Korean, and Carlo V. (I dunno why they were there pero thank you XD) went to my house and parteehd the night away. Oh shibal I so love you Eme Avy and Patrick for those drinks XD Grabe I had a lot of bottles but I wasn't, not even closely, inebriated. Thanks Les, for the Weewee. haha sounds absurd XD Grabe lakas ng tama nun, 2 1.5L bottles pa yun. Gahh.. When they all left, me mom and my sisters finished all the remaining shiz of glory gahd damn was that weewee good @_@ Nothing beats a bonding moment with your family and having deadly drinks. Alam mo yun, once na naka-inuman mo na ang mom mo dun mo na mafefeel talaga na bonded kayo.. and well I just love that feeling that she trusts me. Aww :)

Ok so, I just woke up from a severe nausea. No, I didn't barf (good thing gahd) but the hangover is just hard to bear. But since I was so happy last night, I couldn't care less about this done-for headache. Hay :) This was so worth it. I needed a break anyway. A break from all the shit I'm seeing, from all the fuz I'm feeling, from all those gaddamn affection I can never attain, from all my pathetic free-loader dumb-founded groupmates (NO NOT YOU, MY ENGLISH MATES. HINDI KAYO.) Gahh I just need to break out from all of these. And even if it was just for a night that everything will be alright.... hay.

OK COMMERCIAL: If you're gonna talk shit about my friends or even me Idfk... then let me clear this out. You don't know a thing about her, so don't you make judgments like you guys knew each other for such a long time now. Even I can't make such judgments. And I know her by heart, I know every detail of her life but I can't even mess with that because it's hers not mine so likewise don't mess with other people's lives. And if you guys are what we call friends then just stop this bullshit. The last thing I want to do is be angry at you guys, kasi alam mo yuna ang dami na nating pinagdaanan tapos biglang ganito. WHAT YOU GUYS THINK ABOUT HER IS NOT EVEN REMOTELY CLOSE OF WHAT SHE REALLY IS.

HAY gaddamnit. Sorry for my words. Sana maayos na 'to..

pft

2007-11-17T02:20:00.000+08:00

Ahhhhhh finally! English speech choir is overrr, and and and! I passed my thesis paper already.. wooo over and done bebeh. No more sleepless nights steadily concentrating on what's the tagalog term for this word and the like. Hay. Party naaaa.

Ay wait.. T_T

Potek research paper pa pala. This just won't end. @_@

......

2007-11-09T19:12:00.000+08:00

And she never was the best... Gawd, this is super my song. Fits my feelings, fits my day. 17 Ain't So Sweet by TRJA. Yeahp, how's it like being 17? Well.. 16 was sweet, and you all know what follows a sweet tongue.. Bitterness. Hmm, why is it that every time my bday is approaching the days before that (including this) would be a complete disaster. Guh. Maybe I'm being too negative. I'm just so dissatisfied right now, my celebration got canceled. Idk my busy 'rents seemed to have forgotten it, hence they'll be holding a business meeting here in our house. I really don't care, I jas wanna hav ayscreem. :) Gawd 2 hours nalang...

Moments later...

OK so birthday ko na. Waw. Thanks guys, thanks John tumawag ka pa. Haha. At Migs hindi ako PREmature, pwede ba bago ka mang-asar i-make sure mo nga na tama mga ginagamit mong words.. IMMATURE kasi! XD Oo na, oo na.. isip bata na. -__- Mga bwiset. Tchee. Gahd, I can't feel it. :| Usually I'd feel excited and all "grown up" but this time I just feel... I feel like a rock. It's like Yey It's my birthday. Wee. Kbye. Hay what's wrong what's wrooong? I feel like 17 is such a boring phase. 16 is sweet, 18 is enchanting, but 17... it's just plain boring. Skip to the next year please remote control kamon. XD Hay, thank you talaga sa mga bumati. At dun sa di pa bumabati PWES BUMATI NA KAYO :| Hahaha.

Guys, next Sat yung celebration. Ren ren, Krispy Kreme ko :P Mike, kiss ko. =)) JOKE LANG. Yuckerr :| Hahaha. Grabe fuck that Fil paper crap! I spent 6 hours working, Pao and I finished at 1.30am, naparanoid pa dahil walang printer. Nagpaprint sa DOS, naulanan, late nakauwi PARA LANG MALAMAN NA IREREVISE ULIT YUN?! POTEK. Ang draft kasi ay hindi type-written. Please maawa ka naman sa fingers ko, mahirap magtype ng 6-hours straight. Maawa ka rin sa mga puno, sinasayang mo yung paper. Awch talaga T_T

Aww, I'm missing someone so bad. He suddenly crossed my mind for some reason, Idk it's been awhile since we last spoke.. spoken face to face and seriously that is. He seems so very distant from that room, separated by jalousies that seemed like barriers of steel, or is it just me? Or maybe reality's breaking my heart again. Dear you, I loved you from that classroom window, but you were too busy making girls like me feel miserable. Wala lang, I just really miss you.

I miss Edward as well. I need him now, this instant please pronto! bilis! faster! Kamoon. :| Hay. Di ka nagpaparamdam, kala ko wala kayong net pero OL parati si Gabo. ANO BA YAN HA :| haha. Joke. Labyu. :D

Well I'm off. Maybe when I wake up later, I'll feel more of a birthday celebrant compared to this wasted feeling. I seriously want to drink. @_@ Stop stop stop. Shutp.

Kbye.

Ugh

2007-11-05T20:18:00.000+08:00

So completely shattered, discomfort is getting the best of me. Stop stop stop. I can no longer take this, my weakness is prevailing. I'd kill for a gust of stability. This uncertain heart is no longer capable of running away so please stop this catastrophe. I feel strangled and so so suffocated. I don't want to feel this way about you anymore---the feeling that I'd just want to walk away from your presence.

I can't bare all your pain anymore, all your rants, all your agonies. I'm your problem and it kills me to help because I can't do anything about it, except hurt you more. Don't you think this is unfair? Unfair for you, and crushing for me. Just stop whatever you're doing, I don't like it... and you wont like the outcome. There's nothing to hold on to anymore, please let me go.

Don't wait. Don't waste your time on me anymore. I'm in such a trance of guilt because I'm killing slowly some who's gonna die for me. This is so not right. I am not right, I'm not the right one for you. Stop regretting, stop ranting, stop blaming, stop making a fool out of yourself because you are such a great person. I am not gonna be a waste of time for you. PLEASE SINK IN THIS THOUGHT. It's over. OH gawd T_T

I can't believe I'm blogging about this matter. This is so unruly, yet this is the only way I can keep calm of myself 'cause if I were to tell you everything my heart is screaming ... I'm sure you'll be going home with an empty tragic heart. And that's just it, the last thing I want to do is hurt you, and this is just an irony 'cause you always end up getting hurt.

Pero pananawan mo naman din ako, ang hirap. Ayoko na. I'm fucking tired of this.

Why don't we turn tomorrow into yesterday?

2007-11-04T01:03:00.000+08:00

Kandila. Nagbrown out kaninang umaga at yun yung una kong hinanap. Halata bang bangag talaga ako. @_@ Nakakaloka, sunod sunod na kabaliwan yung nangyari pagkatapos. Sabi sakin ni Cy (pagakatapos bumalik nung kuryente..) "Ate Peng, baba ka na daw we have good news for youuu!" Parang ako: AH K. so after mag wash up eh bumaba na ko para kumain ng brunch. At guess what?
May promdate na ako.

Wait! teka! sandali! hold up! Di ko alam kung matutuwa ako or hindeeee T_T Ok fine, cute siya. OK super cute :| haha pero potek! PARENTS MO BA DAW MAG-ASK? Di yun romantic for crying out loud! >:| Eh pero wala na, pag parents mo na nagdecide malalanta ka lang kakapilit sa kanila para magbago sila ng isip. Di naman sa ayaw ko yung tao, pero kasi di kami close. I see him everyday but we don't even talk, boring naman diba. At pano kung may iba pa kong gusto, kamer :| gahd damn. Bahala na si Spiderman.

Hay, sembreak's almost over. Di ko man lang nafeel haha. Good thing we don't have much to accomplish. Oh oh! I almost forgot birthday ko naaaa, wahaha. KBYE :| Belated happy birthday Janmar, advance happy birthday Geeno! :D

Arayt. xoxo.

~~Ugh I want to drink.~~ @_@

hay

2007-11-02T00:49:00.000+08:00

Awts. Awts. Aaaaaawch T_T. Ugh, spray me some amnesia dust will ya? Gahdamnit! That momentum was unbearable. I almost fell off my seat watching them, eying them, cursing them! gahh I need some Smores pronto T_T Ayoko na ayoko na. I will kill her. Haha :| Invidious behcth on the loose. Leche leche leche! Kung feel mo ikaw yung tinutukoy ko well hindi ikaw yun, mukha mo tapos na ko sayo no and I'm far more pleasant-looking than you so just shut your trap. Guhh super.. I'm odious forgive me. I need my medicine, my chocolate. @_@

I'm very much filled with anger that has been kept for a long time now. I'm tired, dead tired. I know that not all questions are answerable by yes or no, and I know how much this is hurting you. I know how much confusion you are dealing with and all I can do is run away from it all whenever I encounter that seemingly baffling question. I'm sure with my decision but something keeps on pulling me back. I feel like if I tell you what I really want I will end up regretting every single bit of it while staring at you with somebody else. Selfish right? But gahh don't mind me. I'm not the ideal girl and I'm not perfect. I'm a selfish arrogant prideful conceited mofo. I'm the worst person to end up with, with a commitment because I am the most confused person in the world. My heart is easily blown away and the next thing you know I'm holding a new pen writing a new story and then leaves it hanging once more without any closure just so I could run away from the pain.

See it never stops. I don't want to start all over, 'cause there's an on going cycle already. This may be my first attempt to end everything peacefully as possible. But something keeps pulling me back. Help.

happy halloweeeeen

2007-10-31T12:02:00.001+08:00

I've not yet experienced any paranormal shiz this Halloween gorr. Haha, but I really want to, no joke XD Well my sis and I played a game called vanity and took pictures of ourselves (malamang XD) doing goth thingos wahaha losers. Anyway yeahp that's the new album on my multiply. Check check check 'em awt.

Grabe ate ko, si Gab. OO yung gago. 4 days na siyang di umuuwi, and to be honest it doesn't feel any different when she's here. Gahh ang sama ko ba? Well it still worries me, kasi mamaya you know @_@ GAH. Hey don't get me wrong, di siya naglayas or anything and she didn't have a fight w/ my 'rents. Di lang talaga siya umuwi. I'm kinda used to that no-going-home thing of hers already. Tsss :|

John Lloyd :">

2007-10-28T20:14:00.000+08:00

Haaaay :) We were watching Close To You awhile ago (Yeah I know baduy and mashi crap, but the hell I care?!) JOHN LLOYD ♥ gahhh natuwa ako sa story kasi the girl dreamed of this perfect guy for a long long time, but when she already had him she realizes that he's not the right one for her. Wala lang, oh the ironies of life. So yeah Pete Wentz, I'm sorry we're so not meant to be. -__- . Well, the girl ended up with John Lloyd ♥ who happens to be her best bud, you know all that shiz. Haha fani, pero kinilig talaga ako. XD Arayt you can call me lame now XD

Wala lang, I suddenly went back to my old self, my grade 6 and 7 self who's just so hopelessly romantic. The one who.. Cries over wedding proposals, weeps over tragic loves stories, and hopes for her happily- ever-not-so-perfect-after-but-with-the-perfect-guy-life (too much hyphens XD) Waw talaga. I'm currently puzzled, dazed and vexed :| and Idk why but I'm smiling at this fact for no profound reason. Weird. Hence, I am happy yet confused. Double weird. Gahh, di ko ma-blog yung gusto kong sabihin! XD hahaha. Basta, wala lang :)

Hay hay, belated happy birthday Gabow! :D Grabe, everytime I go out of the house, I smell a different scent, yung feeling na alam mong Christmas na? YUN! Haha, ang chillaxing @_@ Gawd, I really love the holidays. Especially Halloween. My sister went trick or treating last night without me pff :| when she got home she was covered with blood stains. I really wished that those were real blood stains.. ha that would've been neat XD Pero sadly it was a fake-o -__- haha behtch ka Peng. Ayun, and a lot of horrific movies are being aired already, kakatapos ko lang ng The Grudge 2 woooh aylabthat muvie! And to top it all off, I'm going to be one year older once again.. and that means driving school is up next! Oh yeaaah... Pff, since I'm one year older my parents expect me to be more lady-like, demur, petite and the like. One year wiser, means to be more responsible and more mature. OK OK all that was mentioned is the exact opposite of who I am @_@ guhh well except for that wise part. haha. But the point is, I love being this way. I love being a complete wacko with my friends. Birthdays for me are just days when you replace your age, nothing more nothing less.

OK fine, I'll be more mature and responsible but don't expect me to be more of a Maria Clara 'cos that's the last thing I'd want to do. Haha peace 'rents. I love you both :)

anchors awaaay

2007-10-27T16:03:00.000+08:00

FIELD TRIP FIELD TRIP FIELD TRIP @_@
Grabe, it turned out fun naman. The Gardenia Farm thingo got canceled again :| waw. Anyway, superrrr adrenaline rush nung nasa EK. First off, rolerskaters (bladers =)) ) hahaha sigaw kami ng sigaw ni Eme XD losers haha. And then Anchors Away, super first time ko sumakay dun haha. NAMATAY AKO I'M SORRY @_@ pag bumababa yung ship yung paa ko talaga nanginginig, tapos nakahiga na ko kay Emery sa sobrang hina =)) Pero ang saya. Then, my favorite SPACE SHUTTLE uberrr heart-pumping thrill-a-thon iyak-tawa mode haha. Saya :) tapos ikot ikot blah blah. Got to school around 10:30pm, when I got home.. hanap agad ako ng totoong food kasi I was so intoxicated from eating lats and lasta junk food @_@ tapos tulog agad. haha I know, unhygienic right? XD serri naman..

Well, I posted part one of the pics from last night in multiply already. Check 'em out :)

SPEECH CHOIR MATES! PRACTICE TAYO THIS SEMBREAK AH. :D

GUHHD

2007-10-23T16:22:00.000+08:00

Uhh 5.oo am, the alarm kept on stinging my ear. I got my cellphone, turned off the alarm and went back to bed. I kept on thinking "5 minutes, tapos tatayo na ko" guhh but the weather was ffreken good, it made head swim into a pool of drug.. and then w/o any hesitations I went to my mom's bedroom and said "Ma, nahihilo ako. Di ako papasok." WAHAHA I'm such a behtch. And then when I went back to sleep, I was sooo restless @_@ So yun, di rin pala ako makatulog pero I was sooo lazy to go back to my mom's bedroom and take back what I decided on. XD

So yeahh, I didn't go to school because I was too lazy. Haha, ano kayang lalagay ko sa excuse letter ko @_@ No worries, I'll catch up w/ my lessons (I hope x_x) Field trip's fast approaching, I'm not excited. Pfft 700pesos down the drain. Mas grabe yung sa siblings ko, 1k yung kanila, potek pambili ko na sana ng bagong digi cam yun XD Hay, pero before that: 2 Long tests on geom and fil. Guhh K lang yan.

SEMBREAK KAMERR!! FASTERRR! -__- Tcheee fack laziness. Oh yeah, since I didn't do anything today, I posted pictures on multiply instead. Yeah it's like I haven't touched my multiply for decades, anyway hurr: Multiply

Sige. babay.

shit load of boredamn

2007-10-20T00:12:00.000+08:00

Uhmm hmm, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD! Matanda na youu haha. So recap recap, last week was a blast: FAIR + :) + NEW HAIR, NEW LIFE, NEW GENDER? HAHA. + NEW PHONE + TIN AND DEA'S PARTY= ♥

But this week was. Ehem. &%*$!%$%@(&!!! Thar we go. Gahh Tin and Dea's party was awesome geegee one more time! Namiss ko talaga kayo :( Natutuwa lang ako kasi ever since I left MC w/c was 2 years ago, the bond between me and my friends didn't change at all... supah fly wahaha TCHEH ALEX NAKAKA-ADIK @_@ Haha! Tapos Nagsleep over ako kila Gil, when we got to her place Joacquin and Kuya TJ were doing this PETEANSWERS.COM thingo. SUPER DUPER CREEPY @_@ It's like an online shiz of psychopaths, you should ask him some questions even personal questions and he can surely answer them, take note.. specific answers pa. He said he gets help from his wife Emily who passed away already--which means whenever you ask Pete a question and he trusts you, Emily is just there also. That rather freaked me out but nonetheless it was asteeeg. So yun nga, when Gil and I got to her place we saw the computer flashed our names. Yun pala Joacquin asked Pete who just arrived. Tapos we asked typical questions like what's the color of my shirt and blah blah and he would always get it right! @_@ Gahh ka-addik @_@ TAPOS ETO NA. Joacquin asked Pete, where was Emily. Potek kala ko talaga nung una Emily Rose as in the exorcist girl yun pala yung wife nga. Tapos alam niyo yung sagot niya? JUST BETWEEN THE THREE OF YOU. Super sigaw ako nun, as in stunned + stiff + scared to death. OH GAHD! That was really frrreaky pero asteeg wahaha.

I saw these pictures from Ed's friendster, sobrang ngayon lang ako nagkatime matingnan , wait eto: XD
Ang sweet super :) Naiiyak akooo T_T Super duper miss na kita T_T Hays, ingat Ed. Labyu :)

Hay, I won't blog about my badtripness, nakaka gorr talaga. Ay teka yung isa lang. EH KASI POTEK STUPIDITY!!! Nadelete at na-empty the recycle bin ko ang aking mahiwagang Folder. Epal!!! Nandun lahat ng artworks ko. PICS KO T_T Tapos projects, powerpointpres., compilation ng reviewers ko. Gahhh kaya Rocky pasend ulit nung pic XD Ayy hinde kukunin ko nalang sa prendstur. Hay ang sakit talaga -__-

Ui grabe! Binomba ang Glorieta awch. @_@

Guhh, so many things to do. I still have this Journa thingo to be submitted on Monday, nakakatamad seryoso. Tapos speech choir pa, pero our group's doing well ( kasi sinong leader? HA? HA? XD) Jokies Cookies Pookies Nookies :| HAHA. Basta we're doing fine, I don't really want to win but hey why shouldn't we give our best right? Four groups lang yun including the other section and yeah I think we can do this. I HOPE @_@ Tapos Fil Paper, may gally shmolly nakaka-ewan yun pero masaya I'll be doing my interviews on Monday narin. RADOM: I'm addicted to Dance Hall Drug-BoysLikeGirls at Populace in Two-FromFirstToLast. Pero Tonight parin the behest @_@ Maganda din yung Moment of Truth ng FM Static. :) RADOM ULIT: Ang taray/sungit mo sakin T_T Epal ka. Just facking talk to me, I know it's awkward and kinda unusual but gahh I want us to be friends. TALKING FRIENDS, not Friends or Enemies prends (cornyy haha). Please talk to me, talk to me without slapping or hitting my head XD Please please please.

GAHH NEWS FLASH: STAG AKO SA PROM T_T HAHAHA. :|

I suddenly feel happy. Idk why. Haha weird :)

KBYE :D

AWCH

2007-10-13T00:16:00.000+08:00

Habang nagninilay-nilay ako sa iba't ibang profiles ng prendster, napag-isipan kong mag comment back kay Sher, tapos nakita ko yung pic ni Nicki, pinuntahan ko at dun ko nakita ang super duper hatt na pic ni Max. HAHA. (HOT SERYOSO NATIBO AKO NG DI ORAS XD) Anuman, pagkatapos magcomment ay nakita ko ang blog entry niya.. At potek. Tagos 'to pare... awch.

di porket alam mo na maghihintay sya
sayo dahil mahal na mahal ka nya eh...

PAGHIHINTAYIN MO SYA. wag ganun boy.

wag mo paasahin. TADO.

mahal na mahal ka nya. maaring di nya
mapakita kasi alam naman nyang wala
kayong pupuntahan. pero trust me,
GUSTO KA NYAN. nasasaktan lang
masaktan.

di ka ba natatakot na isang araw,
makita mo sya ang saya saya sa bagong
iniikutan ng mundo nya?

TANDAAN MO TOH PARE,
pag nangyari yun. susundan mo na lang
sya ng tingin at masasabi mong..

"sana pala sinalo ko sya."

TANDAAN MO YAN.

AMPF naman Max! Unang una, ang galing mong magpatama. Pangalawa, ang hot mo talaga XD Well wala lang hay. The smile on my face is still here, bothering everyone in this household. Although something happened a while ago that caused me to burst into salt water, I'm indeed supposed to be lone and down. But I just can't.. know why? 'Cause you're just there. Hay :) Tenks tenks. I won't be stupid anymore, gahh you're right I'm wasting a lot of good days. Ha! Tama tama, perfect girls don't deserve guys like him. Thanks talaga :)

Hay nako, I saw this Eloisa+Paolo pic ha! Inis me =)) Jokies cookies! XD Pero.. Seryoso dude, you should see it. HAHA.

PERR

2007-10-11T19:50:00.000+08:00

"Ha?! Beqeous? Begons? Ahh!! Beacons! Potek Beacons @ 19 yow!"

Wahaha, yeahp when I saw that banner I stared at it for 2 minutes trying to figure out what the hell it meant. Well.. The Fair was. . . . :|

SUPER OVER KA-DOOPER SPECTACULAR x) Gahh! I thought it was gonna be a boring, lame-o, skip to Malou my darling (Shit tumalon my darling =)) ) kind of shiz. Uhmm first off, I think our song was well. DK DC. Tapos grabe na-over dose ako sa yumburger mehn XD Then huli huli, palag-sigaw, sipa-takbo, potek ka-murahin ang pesteng nanghuhuli XD, tapos pahinga. tapos kain every 10 minutes XD HAHA. This is the life bebeh. We earned an amount that's not so good but I can live with that anyway. 1,5k lang.. we'll remit the 200, and then it's all mine >:) hahaha ayy joke satin pala Meme. Tinamad na kasi kami manghuli nung mga 12pm palang... Tapos ayun the bands played already, grabe ah tinipid sila sa kanta except for Rocky's band.. bwahaha grabe Kurt, hands down clap clap clap XD. Gahh ang hot ni Peter kanina, as in uber! Diba Kit? Tapos pag nag play na siya ng bass?.. weeew grabe! In your face Pete Wentz HAHA. Tapos as usual ang gwapo ni Mark D. at malaki akong sinungaling :)

TAPOS!!! Eto naaaa XD Sa buong buhay ko 2 lang ang crush ko talaga. Pag sinabi ko kasing crush kita, super duper I idolize you @_@ but I'm not in love with you. At sa 2 yun, isa na dun si Kuya Tims (wahaha ang lakas ng loob ko, alam niyo kung bakit? Kasi di ko siya ka-YM hahaha! :S And yeah since first year pa to, so pretty much everybody knows about this already XD) and yung isa secret :P

Gahh! So anyway, IT'S NOT EVERYDAY THAT YOU GET TO GO HOME WITH YOUR CRUSHHH. No wait, it's not everyday that you get to share a mic, singing Someday We'll Know, with your CRUSH. It's not everyday that he'll sing Everytime I Close My Eyes to you. It's not everyday pare, but today. Oh watta day. :) Pero alam mo yun, while we were going home, everything was silent. We'll talk once in a while, I'll ask him about college, he'll ask me what course I want, mang-aasar na madumi yung nails ko, gagaguhin ako pero after that complete silence na naman. But it wasn't awkward. Haaaay, tapos nung tumatawid kami potek the best! Pwede na ko mamatay :) hahaha. The kwento stops here because I don't want to spoil the moment @_@ :)

I miss this feeling. It's been almost a year since I last felt this way. Hay hay, so much for my stories. I'm actually happy today. You know you're really happy when your brother steals oreo double cream cookies from you and you didn't chase and punch him til he cries. >:D Yeah, that pretty much covers for it. It's not all about him that causes my extreme happiness. In fact there was something better, and that's mine to keep.

CHANGE

2007-10-07T04:34:00.000+08:00

First off..

Anna's bday: HAHA! Ang hot ni Kuya Alex @_@ Anyway, before going thar I went to Joc only to find out that Mike and the others weren't there anymore. Siguro mga 3 times akong pabalik-balik sa convergys tapos nung napikon na ko pumunta akong Netopia sabi ko magnnet lang ako, tapos yun Lo and behold. Andun sila. Nagsi- CS. Gorr haha, so one of the boys na naman. Avee came and off we went to Anna's place. Avy and I were supposed to sleep there kaso.. ewan @_@ haha. We watched Wrong Turn 2, ampf cannibalism is the behest! Ang weirdo ng mga characters tapos siksikan kaming lahat sa isang bed tapos pag sisigaw ako (syempre alam niyo naman kung pano ako sumigaw haha.) lahat sila magugulat narin wahaha. We were not able to finish the movie though, bamer @_@ Tapos karaoke! Wahaha, sayang ang onti ng time spent pero ayos lang. Commute galore! Nakaka ano talaga.. you know. Haha K :| Napadpad kami nila Jus and Pao sa EVER THE PLACE TO BE! Only to find out na magtataxi rin naman pala kami XD haha Okey lang yaaan. Haha.

The rebel in me is beginning to unlock itself. Stop me before this thing gets worse. :| Idk why I did it, or I just don't want to admit whatever's causing my nausea towards life. Kamon. I just want to be a normal person if I may. May topak ka kasi Peng. Potek. >_<

It was on a seven when I fell in and out of love.
Tonight it's seven, tonight I've fallen.

eh potek...

2007-10-02T21:26:00.000+08:00

ADVANCED HAPPY TUBIG DAY ANNA BAREDOW! :D :D :D
Happy birthday in advance Tin and Dea! Haymissyew guys :(
Belated happy birthday Mariel, Mick and chor Jeenuh. :)

Weeew ang dami @_@ heniways.. The fair date will be changed, well I really don't care if it's gonna be moved or canceled. I think I'm kind of worn off already with these fairs.. they're so typical, well at least it's gonna be a free day with fooood. Ayy may name na nga pala ang aming booth.. what better name can you give our booth (Blind Date) than (dun dun dunnn...) Eklovebooth? At syempre sinong nagsuggest niyan? No other than Sir Francis, oh clap clap clap XD Grabe, tapos yung ibang suggestions: Bulag na Petsa, Love is Blind, Nagmamahalang Bulag, 3 Blind Dates.. Grabe so don't blame Sir F. his suggestion was by far the best from the others. Haha.

Yeheyyy shower day na ni Anna!! Food trip + Karaoke na naman! Can't wait, can't waiiiit @_@ Tapos kuya Alex na naman! HAHA. Joke.. kamon, hindi na talaga pramis. I'm also excited for Tin and Dea's party, I so miss those two. In fact I miss them all. And furthermore.. I miss MC :| I won't be able to go to their fair.. awts lecheng field trip T_T

Uhm Idk how to say this in a manner that no one will get hurt. I've fashioned so many thoughts just for this to come out right. I don't know why but I really think we're better off like this. I hate arguments the same way I hate my facking pride. Please don't hate me for not wanting to take risks and chances. For not going through the same road once again.. We're better off this way because I can meet a thousand boys and forget them in a week or so, but I won't let myself to just lose a friend like you. I hope you get that. I always go with a philosophy of loving my friends more than my boyfriend, loving myself and keeping this dignity intact. We're still young, and we're in highschool. We're also studying in a school where there are only 500+ people in our HIGHSCHOOL dep't. Highschool pare, highschool... we're still a year away from college, I'd rather enjoy this freedom first.. We'll meet a lot, and I mean A LOT of people in the mere future. So I really hope you understand. This might be over but I'm still gonna be with you in the long run.

I guess that's just it right? When you become one of those people whom you hate so much, you'll realize the other side of life.. that not everything you hate is bad. You can't really blame the people who fall out of love, and those whose sparks went astray.. I know it's a lame reason, but be it irritating, it's the obvious truth. The truth that 'forever' is just another word used to make literary selections more appealing to the heart, when it's actually an appalling contradiction to this thing that we call 'love'.

Err don't get me wrong, I'm not being bitter or anything I'm just looking on the smarter side of life. Gahh the hell would I care about such nuisance! @_@ I love to be in love ok? I mean everyone does. And gahd I'm 16, with these bunch of unwritten stories waiting before me. I'm uncertain of the things I just said, idk it just came out of my "mouth" (fingers? XD). But one thing I am sure of is that, again.. I'll never leave you. I wont leave you hanging and I wont tolerate a sad face anymore, ok? Please? :)

this conversation's been dead on arrival

2007-09-29T11:24:00.000+08:00

Wuhoo!! May vid naaa, ang cute ng doggie ni Pete oh sheeet @_@ walang embed kaya link nalang.. hurr the take over, the break's over (hahaha sorry naman! ngayon ko lang to nakita, ok so Me+You pala yung latest vid hahaha ampf XD)

Heniways, I've been scanning some FOB vids awhile ago and I noticed how freaken hot Patrick was in their Dead On Arrival vid. AS IN HOT PARE. Mas hot kesa kay Pete, shaaack sana ganun nalang siya hanggang ngayon yummy @_@ Actually I like their old songs better, as well as Paramore, their first album grabe hands down. I'm not saying that their latest songs are lame, I just like the old ones better. Hmm and I have no news about MCR nowadays except for the fact that Gerard and Mikey are already MARRIED :| (c/o Paola's blog..) Guhh, such a heart breaker :( haha.

Hay, I miss a lot of people. And I miss my long hair as well XD

We've been talking about the Americas in History, and my oh my do I want to migrate this instant. The Philippines, as much as I want her to succeed, has a little chance of arising from its severe poverty in the next 5 years.. Just think of it, our government officials waste their time arguing about nonsensical broad band deals. Defensor was right you know, even though she speaks too bluntly.. she has a point.

I hate what we're doing every time the hs students are about to line up. Well maybe it's a disciplinary act, but the hell can't we talk anymore? We can't even study , nor make unnecessary movements. We are NOT robots dear teachers. Gorrs, neberrmind. Nakakainis lang talaga. Tapos I've been getting a lot of bad feedbacks about my behavior -__- Ano bang masama kung di ako lady-like kumilos?! And potek, ano bang pake mo? Nanay ba kita?? My friends and I just love to have fun. Be crazy and wild, because we can't do something like this in college anymore. I don't want to talk about pretty things and pink with my friends, I'd rather do an open talk than to talk about shit. Haha. And you say I'm not lady-like?! HOW COULD YOUUU IMMA WOMAN meow. Weh korny, pero nakita mo na ba ang grooming kit ko?! Walang makakatalo sa mga cosmetics ko dear. HAHAHA. Ampf enough crap.

I won't change for you. This is who I want to be. And yes I'm a bitch, you're damn right about that. And you don't want to mess with this behtch. At least I have some dignity with me. Ika nga nila Mon Mon.. "Explain before you complain" Haha. Goodluck nalang sayo. :D

and it was all yellow..

2007-09-26T18:14:00.000+08:00

I guess when you can't feel anything anymore, the tendency is.. you just have to move on. Hay, I should be sad but I just can't. I'm not happy either. But I feel free.. I'm not disdained anymore, and the bitter half of me got flushed away completely, for the nth time.. finally it's over. I ended this baffling game and Midnight highway on 18th drive is no longer here in my heart, I think that's the best part. Although now that I am a lone soul wandering amidst the horizons of freedom, life doesn't feel so lonely when you have your friends by your side (YOU're included there YOU know.) I just realized that half of my happiness were achieved by them. I mean what would I do if I'll never share food, secrets, crushes, and problems with Memury anymore? Or even play touch the butt-on with Aveh. Di kompleto araw ko pag di ko inasar si Anna, pinagdamutan ng pagkain si IM, iritahin si Che at Yvettess, gaguhin si Ren Ren sabay magpapalibre XD, kumanta ng gimme gimme BOR with Raymonds! Grabe, why should I be sad with all these factors? That goes to YOU as well, YOU know I'll never leave YOU.

And I'm not mad anymore, I feel so stupid having been angry at someone who's just the same as I. We went on the same travail, the spark went astray also... No one can blame us. Just as the Earth revolves and rotates, our life changes too. No, it's not about YOU nor someone else. This is about me and how I should really live my life.

Again.. I'll never leave YOU.

Kung meron ng Varsity Badminton at Chess..
Gagawa kami ni Avee ng
-Varsity Chinese Garter
-Varsity Patintero
-Varsity Jackstones at..
-Varsity Cong-gi.

Weh.. kerny @_@ HAHAHA KBYE.

FACKERRR T_T

2007-09-22T18:18:00.000+08:00

I'm still not over. T_T

Over the fact that I didn't go to that gadam concert! ARGH! I should've gone with that 1,8k tix my mom offered me (half-half) tapos di ako naka-ipon, fack gastadora kasi eh -__- Tapos Kuya Calde offered us some complimentary tickets, yung 500php. Gahd naman, inaccept ko na yun eh, kahit nasa likod ok lang, pero nag-alinlangan akooo kasi baka makuha ko pa yung 1,8k. Tapos.. nung nasa school na ko etong sila Rocky nagjoke ba naman na ibibigay nila sakin yung tickets ni Janmar kasi nakanuod na daw siya.. Well that was true, except for the part where they gave the tickets to me T_T haha. Di ko na dapat binalik yun. Haha. AMPF ang swerte mo, you watched FOB twice?! INJUSTICE!!! Haha. :| Then, when I got home I hurriedly called my ate, asking if she still has those comp. tickets, sabi niya isa nalang daw natira kasi Kuya Calde gave it to his friend. Eh ano yun?! Mag-isa akong magrorock out sa likod? Kamown. @_@ So... hindi nalang ako pumunta T_T

Hay. I seriously envy my friends who watched that worth-spending-concert. -__- Gorrs, I know, I know. OA na kung OA, but I was this close (finger gesture please XD) to seeing Pete Wentz go TOPLESS @_@. Sana si Patrick nalang nag topless, yummy XD

Oh well, Paramore on December (is it this December? Or next year's December?) Idfc. I wouldn't miss that for the world. Kahit 6k pa yun, manunuod ako nun. @_@ Haha. Hay :|

it may be the only way..

2007-09-20T17:49:00.000+08:00

Ok, so this is the part where I break down. I just want my normal life back... if that's even possible. In fact I never had one, so what's the point of my ranting? @_@ Idk. I just hate everything that's happening right now. I hate my subjects, I hate my flute class, I hate my seat, I hate the weather, I might even hate myself.

For a person who takes the lead most of the time, I'm pretty much uncertain (again :|). I don't know what I want, I don't like what I need, and I don't know how to love. Hence... I'm a mess. Gorrs, this is like PMS to the enth level. ^!(%#Y*$%!&(^&!&!^#666!##!*@*! I miss everything. My pride is eating me soul-first, why must I live the overly-dramatic life? Out of these 6 billion people, why can't I just be the one? :| Well after examining your eyes, I finally came to a conclusion that I'm not there anymore. It's like looking through a stranger's eyes, maybe that would be better 'cause looking through someone else's won't bring any feeling of distraught. Guhh, well I don't see myself anymore.. that explains why I can't be the one.

Enough crap. FOB's here already T_T WHY MUST I SUFFER THIS EXCRUCIATING PAIN?! Why wasn't my fob ticket bestowed upon me?! WHY?!?!? Hay. Let it go Peng. Let it gooo T_T Manunuod na ko eh, pero andaming hadlaaang. Naddepress talaga ako. Isipin mo, mismong girlfriend ni Pete Wentz di makakanuod ng concert niya T_T_T_T_T Hay nako. May Paramore pa. Never give uppp! @_@

fed up

2007-09-19T19:14:00.000+08:00

I don't know. This could break my heart or save me.

Well, it broke my heart. Goodnight.